Feel The Love From February...

Here's my and my nephew. Aren't we the most adorable thing you have ever seen?

The Best January Had To Offer...

Well, starting today I am going to post my 12 favorite pictures from 2006. I am starting tonight instead of tomorrow or Monday because, I just learned that I will be off to Madison tomorrow to celebrate the holiday with Bartender and some friends down there. Shenanigans will ensue, without a doubt. Can you believe that I have never gone out for New Years? And Mad-town seems like the perfect place to do it.

So without further rambling here in my favorite picture from January 2006.

This was taken of the lovely Melly and Xan at his going away party, just before he moved to California.

I Ain't Sayin She A Gold Diggah...

So I sitting here at casa de bunny and fish...

And Barb is on the floor booger diving in her son's nostril cavity.

That's hot.

"I've Got Another Confession To Make..."

I am considering posting my favorite pictures of 2006.

What do you think?

Do you care?

It's Been Awhile...

I feel like I should say something.

...


I got nothing.

I Am Going To Die Alone...

Annie got engaged this weekend! I am so happy for them. And they asked me to be in the wedding!

YAY! Congrats to them.

Happy Christmas My Friends...

I give you the view outside my door with my holiday greetings for the warmest of holiday seasons. The best of my love to you all.

Musical Musings...

So recently, I have purchased/been gifted the following CD's: Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/Love Sounds, Evanescence - The Open Door, Dierks Bentley - Long Road Alone, Keith Urban - Love, Pain and the Whole Crazy Thing, and Daughtry's self titled debut album. So let's dive right in.

Justin - I bought this disk on the basis of "SexyBack". I am a pretty little girl when it comes to that song. I cannot help but want to dance. I hated this cd when I first listened to it. Hate! Unwilling to give it up, I listened to it a few more times. It started to grow on me. Now every time this cd starts, I can't help but want to shake my booty.

Evanescence - Let me start off by saying, that I think Amy Lee has the opportunity to change the face of rock for women. I mean seriously, who do we have? There's the most famous chick rocker/burnout of all time, Courtney Love. Um, No. Amy Lee can save the world. I thought Fallen, their major label debut, was just the cat's meow! The Open Door. Eh. It's solid but mostly, ...unmemorable.

Dierks - Hummna, Hummna, Hummna. What a tasty dish. The cd is country goodness, but I have heard him do better. I still love him, but I think I will hold out for something better. There are a few stand-out tracks on the album though, that I just can't help but turn it up.

Keith - For a boy who released an album on the week he went to rehab, he's doing alright. I have yet to hear anything less then great from this man. I have seen him live 3 times now, and it's so very worth it. He is an incredibly charismatic performer and it shines through on disk, as well.

Daughtry - This cd comes to us from American Idol cast off Chris Daughtry. While I find it to be a very solid album, it seems to be it skips genres a bit. He has to decide what sound he wants to go with. He can pull off edgier pop, but he sounds more true coming in as rock. All that aside, this is still the most enjoyed cd I have acquired in recent months. I am eager to see what a second release brings from him.

So there you have it, aren't you just over-joyed now?

The Changing Face Of Employment...

When I first started in my current full-time job, they were the most generous place I had ever even heard of. We received gift certificates at Thanksgiving to help purchase our family turkey dinner. I always bought booze. Everyone celebrates in their own way...this was mine. We received gifts at Christmas, a healthy profit based bonus, and a very nice holiday party.

Times they are a changing. No Thanksgiving help this year, I was sober at Thanksgiving! The tragedy! No holiday party, but instead a snow tubing outing on a Thursday night. What the hell is that about? They are warning that our bonus may not be the stuff of dreams. My first year here, my bonus was over $700. Last year, it was barely $200. How much more undream-like can it really get? The only good thing going on this year has been that instead of a fruit box and cheeses, they gave us gift cards for Christmas. That $50 was way more appreciated then a few oranges.

And now, one of the more compassionate people on the upper management team annouced his retirement today. It's not looking so good for the little guy right now.

Checked The Clock When I Got Home And Realized I Was Alone*...

I can't believe it's been a week already. Where have I been? In my apartment. Packing. I don't feel like I am making much progress lately either. I have about 10 days before I am needing to be relocating. I have actually until the 5th of January to vacate this apartment...but I would much prefer to be out as soon as possible to have plenty of time to clean this apartment. It won't take long because I am a mostly clean little girl, but I still don't wanna rush it.

Oh well, I have to get ready for work, but I promise to work on a post at work today.

It's All About Priorities...

I have to leave in about 15 minutes for work. I have not gotten dressed or done anything makeup related.

I think it's a far better idea to dance around the living room to John Mayers "Waiting on the world to change".

I know what's important, yo.

Sweeet...

I am pretty dizzy. Light headed and everything.

I have to leave for the store in 4 minutes.

Oh Baby...

Top Gun is on! I love Tom Cruise in the 80's!

How Did I Not Know About This...

So there I was. Cruising Wal-Mart. Waiting for my laundry to finish. Wandering through the electronics department. Suddenly, the heavens opened. The angels burst into jubilant song and a light shone down on one product.




I WANT THIS SO DAMN BAD! Mother-fucking She-ra! That is my childhood right there.

After I was done geeking out in the middle of the aisle, the responsible-broke as hell adult in me walked away.

Once I can see light again with bills, I am soooo getting this.

Movie Mumblings...

My Date With Drew - I thought it was going to be the dumbest thing I had ever seen. It is fact was quite cute and quirky.

I Feel...

A little starved for affection right now.

Not to be confused with attention. I am not really craving that. Affection is a very different thing.

And that is what I want right now.

This Girl's Dates...

So I have mentioned a guy a time or two. I brought him up just yesterday, saying I didn't know what I thought about the whole situation.

Now for some back story.

I met B through the bank. And to not get myself into a gray area, that's all I am going to say about that. But anyway, Bartender and I ran into him at the local meat market the following Saturday night. The 3 of us stood around and yelled a conversation at each other, and were just social with each other. Well, we stood there until bar close and we asked to leave the bar. We all mingled on the street for a few minutes before parting ways. Just as Bartender and I were heading back to his car, B stopped me and asked for my number. And thus, a crush was born. He's not a bad looking guy, doesn't seem like a douche bag, so I handed over the numbers. I figured that I have been single long enough, taking a chance here and there...won't hurt at all.

Well, the following weekend he called and we made plans to meet at the NWL. I mean, I was going to be there anyways, this way my friends could get a little famliar with him too. New to the area, I figured let him meet some nice people too. The night was strange, because he ditched me for one of my other friends. I was disheartened by this, and because my friends knew this, they proceeded to get me a little drunk in an effort to raise my spirits.

A few shots later, I was not feeling any better when he came back to find me. He was very drunk, and I was very annoyed. So I didn't really give him the warmest welcome back. In an effort to avoid getting, Bartender in troube, I hurried him out the door because it was mintues away from bar close.

Later that week, I told him that I was leaving town with Bartender on the weekend, and he was on his own. He seemed a little bummed out that I was leaving and told me that he would see me when I got back.

A few playful text's were exchanged but nothing of substance. Saturday rolls around and he called me up when I got out of work. I told him my plans for the evening and he offered to meet me. He called me several times from different bars asking me to meet him. I had grown bored with this game, so I told him where I was and that he was more then welcome to come meet me, but I was not changing my exsisting plans to follow him all over downtown.

I caved a few hours later, and sought him out. I quickly regretted it. He was fall down, unable to stand without weaving drunk. I got a beer, stood there for a few minutes and let him babble. I listened to him babble on about how much he missed his "homegirl" the weekend before. Well, I finished my beer and told him I was heading back to the NWL. He, of course followed. All I wanted to do was hang out with Bartender, go back to his apartment, watch the boys play some video games, have a few laughs and slip into a coma. Well, it became very clear that B wasn't driving and he was going to be in my custody for the night.

We departed the NWL headed for my apartment, I wasn't taking him back to Bartender's where the boys would certainly eat him alive. After a quick stop at Taco Bell, that he just had to have, and had no cash to pay for we were back home. I refused to turn on any lights in the house and was very whispery in an effort to encourage him passing out rather quickly.

The morning came, and for a moment I had forgotten about the night before until I heard, "Good Morning..."

*insert scream of disgust here*

I got out of bed, hurried myself along getting ready for work and pushed him out the door. As I was sropping him off at his truck, he asked if we could do something during the week. I told him to call me thinking I wouldn't really hear from him.

Last night he called and asked me to a movie. He gave me 30 minutes warning. Nice. So I scurry my tush along and meet him. We arrive at the local multiplex to see that he had gotten the movie times confused and the movie he wanted to see didn't start for another 90 minutes. He works at 4 in the morning at the local tv station, so that was getting a little late for him. We voted to rent a movie and head back to my place.

Just under 2 hours later, and a home cooked dinner later, it was time to say good bye. We lingered at my door, exchanging small talk, me not really knowing what I was expecting. Our goodbye consisted of him pounding knuckles with me. WHAT IS THAT?!?! You don't do that with a girl! And told me that as long as I kept the good food coming, he'd be over with the movies. Huh. I guess we will see.

Now you are up to speed with that story.

Now tonight, I have dinner plans with S. S has made random appearance over the last 18 months, and none of them have been favorable. I actually kind of gave him the cold shoulder the last time he was obviously hitting on me. I don't think I have seen him since early June, when he was invited out for a night of drinks. We are also going to the NWL for dinner. Bartender is my escape plan for the evening. If anything goes wrong, he is bailing me out. I should let him know about this.

So, at least you have a story to look forward to tomorrow.

It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp...

This should be titled Movie Mumblings....but I do love that phrase.

So I watched Hustle and Flow and You, Me and Dupree last night.

H&F - It was pretty good actually. I was pretty surprised, however, movies about growing up in the ghetto and wanting to break into the rap game seems very 8 Mile-ish. But a solid movie none the less, with some pretty ok acting.

Y,M&D - Standard issue chick flick, but giggleable. The story of how I came to watch this movie will have to be for a post on my lunch. It's a story alright.

So Shoot Me...

It was pointed out to me, that I never said anything about Madison. So...here ya go.

-Apparently, Bartender and I are related to the Badgers Quarterback
-We live on the East Coast
-Bartender goes to Princeton
-The Badgers, I think, finished 11-1 for the season
-The Badger Bowl Bucky Bus is a sweet ride
-You will get a traffic ticket in I-39 for going 20 over the limit
-Bartender has a super power involving hair growth

Eh. I am bored with this. We had a great time.

Interesting...

Remember this guy?

Well, when I was dropping him off at his car this morning, I think I decided that I don't really want him around.

Maybe, I don't know. I am a little confused. I was all annoyed with him last night, but this morning it was ok when we were laying there talking (and it's not like that!). When he got out of the car, he mentioned he wouldn't mind doing something this week...but I dunno.

Confused girl.

Oh Yea...

I knew I was forgetting something.

When I was at the store, it occurred to me that I never finished posting my vacation pictures....

Here they are. I know you were losing sleep over it.

A Night Out...

Huntington Beach...

An Ode To My Apartment...

I just stood in the shower yelling at...well, the shower.

The water pressure sucks so bad that taking a shower is actually a pain in the ass here. Once you are in the shower, the pressure will just drop the stream of water to a trickle. This will go on a minute or two and then suddenly will be ok for about 10 seconds...and then trickle again.

I HATE THAT! I want my shower to have so much pressure my skin is red damnnit! I like a rough shower!

I hate this place!

Hey! You're A Crazy Bitch...

So I get home this morning, shortly after 10 and the crazy neighbor sees me walking in the house. She runs out the door and starts talking to me.

With complete disreguard for anything she has to say, I walk into my apartment while she is still talking to me, and slam the door behind me. Sure enough, 10 seconds later...knock knock knock.

"What?"

"Feel free to say no to this. But last night I had to call an ambulance again."

"And this is relevant to me, how?"

"Well, I have this rash."

"And?"

"Well, it's only on my back and I need this prescription. And I need $6."

"No."

I shut door.

I am not going to miss this woman one bit at all.

Birthday Wishes...

Happy Birthday today to one of my dearest friends. He frequents the Myspace world, so if you know him...pop him a happy thought.

Pass The Pie Bitches...

Happy Thanksgiving my friends.

I could tell you all the things I am thankful for, but I will just leave it as I have a good life full of friends and family. I might actually be the poorest girl in town right now. They make me rich where it counts.

Love to you all.

What A Difference 30 Minutes Makes...

Why do I feel so much better about going to work 30 minutes later then normal?

Me, Him, And 75,000 Of Our Newest Friends...

What a fun weekend. Details to follow.

Assholes...

I just went to take the trash out. Not only did someone park me in, but they felt compelled to let all the shit in their pimp minivan spill out all over my parking spot.

Fuckers.

So Much For Pretending...

I am not even going to try and hide how excited I am for this weekend.

In about 10 minutes, Bartender and I are heading to Madison. I got him Badger tickets for his birthday. We are both pretty pumped up about getting out of town for a few days.

Gonna party it up with some friends tonight, take in the game tomorrow and then head back north Sunday for his super hush hush surprise birthday party.

Should be a blast with some fun pictures!

**Update**He just text to say he's going to be 1/2 hour late. Damn boys.

Public Disorder, I'll Give You Public Disorder...

*Return of the song related blog title, It's a doozy. The lyrics lead you to the song title which relates to the post*

I am watching a staff meeting video about proper internet use...while typing this blog.

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me...

I was just told by my supervisor that I am not allowed to have Madonna wall paper on my PC.

WHAT?!

Moving Boxes...

So, I am moving again.

I am a little nervous about it now.

So Not The Drama...

There is going to be drama. It's going to be messy and I am going to jail.

Candice should know better then to fuck with my friends.

A Sign Of Change...

This year, I didn't ask for a pony for Christmas.

Instead, I asked for an oil change, 2 tires, and school supplies.

I must be growing up.

I won't get any of that though. Mom buys what she wants anyway.

And Yet Again...

Laguna Beach...

The Smartest Dumb Girl Around...

Somehow we got talking about the ACTs last night and our scores.

For a smart girl, I feel pretty dumb.

Bartender - 29
Cup o Gin Boy - 29
Me - 27

Ok, I knew bartender was smarter then me. But the kid who drinks straight gin? COME ON!

I Am So Fucking Adorable...

I just spent a ton of time reading all the posts tagged with my name over at Joe's joint...

Damn, I am funny. ;-)

Seeking Residence...

I think I am moving. Maybe someplace where I can drink the water. The neighbors are crazy in a good way. The landlord is not my boss. And maybe someplace with a roommate to split the costs.

Damn All The Republicans*...

It's very seldom that I discuss anything of a political nature, but something is bugging me today. Like many states, Wisconsin faced a referendum question on Civil Unions and Same-Sex marriage rights. It read as follows...

"Marriage. Shall section 13 of article XIII of the constitution be created to provide that only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state and that a legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state?"

Like many states, this amendment to our Constitution passed. This upsets me for a couple of reasons. I have always been a fan of equal rights. I was raised to be accepting of diversity. I am not going to lie to you, my childhood was not that to sing songs of, there was no "Leave It To Beaver/Lassie" moments, no white pickets fences in my world. I was raised in a world where there were sometimes bugs in the dry goods from the grocery store. Roaches and head lice were problems in our neighborhoods and schools. You didn't eat fruit, if you got it as a Halloween treat. You never know what was injected into that apple. I grew up a battered child in a broken home, that sat in mixed/low income neighborhoods. We were the minority from time to time. Black, White, Haitian, Puerto Rican; didn't matter. It was another kid to play with. Diversity was a way of life. This was something I took with me into adulthood. I didn't bat an eye at Ellen or Rosie coming out. I was sort of relieved when Lance Bass outted himself. It doesn't matter any to me that one of my best friends happens to be gay. It matters to me that he is happy.

Gay, straight, black, white, Hindu, Jewish. We all deserve the same rights. That includes the right to show the world your willingness to commit to spending your life with one person. I think celebrating your love for another person that way is beautiful.

Do you notice the absence of the word "marriage" in what I have to say? Well, I believe marriage to be a union in the eyes of god. I also have grown up to believe in the separation of church and State. See, this is where our government contradicts itself. They use the separation of church and state line as a cop out on certain issues. EXCEPT our money, and of course...the homosexuals (and there's a story there too). What the hell is that all about? Organized religion frustrates me in the first place, this just fuels the flame.

Ok, next point. At this point in my life, I have not yet met a person who makes me want to start planning a wedding. I can't see myself getting married. I can see myself spending my life with one person, but marriage is a union in the eyes of God. I have a hard time lately wrapping my mind around this concept of God lately, let alone making any kind of lifelong promises to him/her/it. So say I find that one person that I am going to spend my life with...without a wedding. 30 years from now, I am laying on my death bed, and my beloved has no say as to my medical decision. I am lucky that I have an older brother that would listen to and follow the wishes of my significant other, but how many people can say that?

It's just another form of discrimination and in a time when we are to resist discriminating against anyone for any reason, how is this ok?

And do not get me started on the Death Penalty...
*Sorry Mark

In Case You Were Wondering...

I make $75 a month too much to qualify for any aide at all.

So straving college student...that's so going to be me.

Yup, It's True...

I have a crush.








...and he asked for my number...

Happy Girl...

It's always a good day when "Idle Hands" is on.

And there are tacos in the house.

It's A Jump To The Left...

Have we traveled back to the 80's? Wham was on this morning.

I guess they are just making sure I get my fill out George Michael.

Gasp...

I posted a photo blog.

Stepping Up...

Well, I found my glasses. The cat had them.

Melly apologized.

And I am going to lunch with Ray-ray. I see a rueben sammich in my future.

Things are looking up for the end of the week.

Gonna Be A Good Day...

And I know this because George Michael's "Faith" video wass just on! ;)

AHHHHH...

My co-workers are driving me nucking futs today!

Vacant, With A Hint Of Sadness...

Ah, "slit my wrists" weather is here again. The tempeture outside right now, is a nipple hardening 19. Let me start out by saying, I hate winter. Hate. With a passion. The only good thing about winter is that everything dies and I can breathe again. The air is just cleaner in the winter. I hate snow. I hate being cold, it's the worst feeling in the world. I hate winter driving. The snow flurries floating around in the air and glistening in the sun like some hallmark moment, are only bringing me down a little more.

I am in a bad mood today. Can you tell? Is it obvious? Please don't slip in that puddle of my venom.

So let's dive right in.

Keeks blew me off yet again, last night. Why does this continue to suprise me? She does this all the time. Of course, she doesn't see it that way. She got too busy to answer my call, I guess. She only hangs out with me when she doesn't have someone else to entertain her. Melly is the same way. I haven't heard from her in days. She has a boyfriend again. Someone else to take care of her. Wtfe. She will call me when it all falls apart again. Heaven forbid, I am not there to pick up the pieces.

I have lost my glasses somewhere. I have no idea. I had them on Monday night. I woke up Tuesday and haven't seen them since. I checked with the girl whose car I was in Monday night. Nope. Checked with the guys at the NWL. Nope. Checked my car. Nope. Checked my apartment. Nope. Well, what the hell Juice? Just another expense.

When I gave the bank my school schedule I was told, "Looks like you are going to be missing some classes, doesn't it?" WTF?! I think not!

I have Badger tickets for the 18th of this month, and the store is displaying douche bag-like tendancies with giving me the time off. I don't care...I am going. It's Bartender's birthday...I am going to be there.

I am bummed over money. School bills, Tires, Muffler replacements, possible new glasses....ARGH!

I am sure it will all pass in about 10 minutes and I will be fine. Someone is bound to waves something shiny in front of me.

A New Twist On An Old Favorite...

Keeks and I are debating throwing on our halloween costumes (she's a dirty pirate hooker and I am Kelly Osbourne) and going trick or treating down main street tonight with our shot glasses.

Whatcha think we should do?

Happy Haunting...

Happy Halloween everybody! He's a picture of me and my beeches out for a night of Halloween themed shenanigans on Saturday night.

Ick Ick...

Yesterday sucked basically.

The bank is being bitches about me going back to school but I expected that.

The store denied a request off that I talked to management about and was told it would be no problem. Now, I have to crack some heads. I have Badger football tickets for 2 weeks from now and I am to work that day. I was pissed about that.

My muffler went out on my car yesterday. It's kinda my fault for saying last week that I was about due for car trouble.

I had one customer all night at the store last night and they waited 4 hours into my shift to let me go.

So yea, if I don't repeat tomorrow...that'd be ok.

Something You Didn't Know...

I am a closet fruit snack junkie.

Gummie worms, scooby snacks, fruit by the foot, hello kitty fruit snacks....I love them all.

Chronicles Of The College Bound...

Guess who just regisitered for classes?

Whatever Happened To ...

Do you remember the Mars Bar candy bars? Whatever happened to those? I want one!

A Vacation In More Pictures...

Bills works at the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach. We had the oppourtunity to spend several hours there. It's likely the best aquarium I have ever been to.

Tonight...

I attempt to reclaim my apartment from the depths of filth it has slipped into.

If, I finish all of that, I can tell you about my weekend.

You Know You Want Too...

Create your own friendquiz here

That Seems About Right...

"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you, I'm out!"

A Vacation In Pictures...

Over the next few days, I will post some pictures from my trip....so without delay...

Disneyland!

Break Me Down, You Got A Lovely Face...

*But she doesn't have a pretty face...*

Bat shit crazy neighbor left by ambulance at 4 this morning.

It's the 3rd time in 4 weeks and and the 2nd time in less then a week. I talked to my landlord today, who happens to be my much talked about boss, Godzilla. I hope that maybe there will be a gentle push to get to woman out of here. She clearly can't handle living on her own.

A Slow Painful Death...

This state is trying to kill me. I have not been able to breathe since my return. My eyes have actually become 2 dried up little rocks in my eye sockets that are in fact, no good for seeing anything. My nose is, well, gross stuff is going on there. And what doesn't make it to a rock hard dried up mess in my nose and eyes, drips down my throat causing me to cough uncontrollably.

Fun.

Closing Recap...

My last night in Cali was fun. I had a blast. It ended on an emotional note. Goodbye is a big word. Hard word to spit out, too. I am not going to re-hash it. Let's just leave it at tears were cried.

Getting home in itself was a process. The company I booked the flight with neglected to mention to me that my flight was cancelled and I was rescheduled on another flight. Well, as a result I missed that flight. After ALOT of waiting, they got me on standby flights home. Let's just say I am getting a free flight out of this deal.

I didn't get home until 11 p.m., what a way to spend your birthday. Despite Melly's very good attempts, my birthday was complete crap. I wish I could have skipped the day all together. I feel like in cases like this, I put alot into everyone else's birthday, and with the exception of Melly and Ray-ray (and of course, the Cali crew), my birthday was an inconvience to them. And that seems about right. I am not having birthdays anymore.

Upon my arrival home, there were steaming piles of drama everywhere being flung at me at high speeds. Mom drama, Wal-mart drama, daddy family drama, friend drama. Just drama. It was emotionally draining. It was hard enough coming home in the first place...this didn't help.

Last night, I had dinner at The Fish and Bunny's and that was nice. The Fish got me "World War Z". It's a book telling the fictional story of them Zombie wars. Written by the guy who wrote the Zombie Survival Guide. I can't wait to read it. It's funny because Xan and I had the book in our hands at Barnes and Noble the other day. Kiki found me last night and gave me this bitching Nightmare Before Christmas lunchbox. The girls at work got me the new Evanescence and a gift card to the scrapbook store so that was cool. So, I guess birthdays aren't so bad.

I actually stopped typing this blog to meet Melly for a quick drink at the NWL and Rsome out of town friends happened to pop in, so that was a wonderful surprise.

But now I am going to make a vain attempt at cleaning this hell hole that is my place. And try to get to bed early, I have a long ass day ahead. 7:15-6 and then dinner by the parents. Oy. Oh yes, and Melly and I decided to go see Justin Timberlake in January!

To Me...

End Days...

I am coming home tomorrow. :( I am not looking forward to saying goodbye again. I am not looking forward to leaving all this behind...it's very beautiful here.

However, I do miss some people back home. So seeing them will be nice.

But still.

So Not The Drama...

In case you haven't gotten the drift, sometimes my friends are not the best people. Joefish pointed it out once. I brought it to light another time. Well, now we can add today to the list.
As mentioned in the below post, today is Xan's birthday. Well, when Bills and I left to go to the store to pick up some stuff to whip up a tasty breakfast, I reminded Melly to call him today.

Well, she eluded by text messge that she may have left him on a sour note. Wonderful. So, I kinda braced myself as we headed back to the house for a short rant.

Well, when I get home I am going to beat her ass. The girl has no brain at all. She is just a retarded ass munch.

I walked in the door, and you could see that he was very upset. He told me that Melly called and basically unloaded a lot of hurtful crap on him, that he didn't need to hear, let alone on his birthday.

She told him that people are talking all kinds of crap about him back home (which is sometimes true, but not to the extent she makes it out to be). She also made it out to sound like Bartender hates him (which isn't true, Bartender isn't capable of hate). The back story to Bartender and Xan is that they used to be roommates. Then while Bartender was in London, Xan moved in with me. They used to be really close, their parents almost married...twice. They were always just really good friends. Well, neither one of them has been very good about keeping in touch with the other one. To be honest, I am the only one that has kept in good contact with him. Therest of them are just kind of flakes like that.

So, Melly dumped all this crap on him (which shouldn't have been said anyway) today. On his birthday. She is a monster bitch somedays. I just don't get her. Why would she say something so hurtful intentionally. And on his birthday.

Iswear to you, I can't avoid drama anywhere. I think I am going to live in a cave. Yup. cave dwelling for me from now on. Either that or I should just assasinate the stupid from my life.

Birthday Wishes...

Happy Birthday today to my good friend, Xan.

I am glad I can be here to share the day with him, although....it's not getting off to a great start. But we can talk about that later.

Nothing much exciting to talk about for the last two days. Just kinda chilling. Have checked out of the hotel and am now at Xan and Bills place. I can't believe the trip is almost over. However, getting back to real life always has it's advantages. It's just flown by, and I am going to hate to leave.

Tomorrow night, we are going out to dinner to celebrate mine and Xan's birthdays together. I get to spend mine in airports and on layovers on Monday so I am not really looking forward to it.

I think I am being a bad guest, especially since Xan is not having a good day. So, off I go.

*I should find my suitcases and think about taking a shower and putting on clean clothes*

Stuff and Stuff...

Last night, I ate sushi for the first time. I am not going to lie, I was scared. It was a pleasant surprise. Tasty shit.

Saw Employee of the Month. Funny stuff. I think anyone who has ever worked in any kind of department store setting will be really entertained.

I think we are finally go eat. I haven't left the room yet today. It's 2 in the afternoon. But happy starts at the place next store soon...so off we go.

The Difference Of Distance...

It's snowing in Wisconsin.

It's 75 on the shores of Laguna Beach.

These people are really fake. I love mocking them. ;-)

Two Words...

Laguna Beach.

That's today's plans.

(That was 5.)

The Happiest Place On Earth...

Ok. Gonna be quick.

Yesterday. Pasadena. Fun stuff. Shopping, Tiffany's, Crate and Barrel. Lunch. Good-ish. Nan made a very good tour guide.

Disney. Very cool. I had a fricking blast. I am not a person who digs rides and Billy drug my ass on so many rides! I had a freaking blast. Indiana Jones, Jungle Cruises, Pirates of the Carribean, Alice in Wonderland, Splash Mountain, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. big points to mention, The Haunted Manison at halloween. So cool!!! And the Teacups. Oh, the teacups. I love the teacups.

Ok, today. Aquarium of the Pacific. Very cool. You can tell that Bills really loves what he does there. I had a really nice time.

And at some point in time, I was left alone today. I seem to have wandered my way to IKEA. I swear, I behaved. I spent less then $15. Be proud.

And as soon as I get off this damn thing...we are going to watch Silent Hill.

It Doesn't Look Longer Then The Other Beaches...

Yesterday was spent entirely in Long Beach. Bills had to study for a test he's taking right now, and he handed me the keys to his car and turned us loose in Long Beach.

After driving aimlessly down the Pacific Coast Hignway, we choose a destination. Borders. Hehe, go figure, world at my fingertips, I pick bookstore. Finally bought something though. Hung out at the harbor for a long time, and just watched the ships go by. Wandered a little.

Relaxing and fun and Xan and I got some alone time that I think we both badly needed.

Today, the lovely Nan is escorting us to Hollywood Forever, I think. Hollywood cemetary!!! I am pumped. It's either that or Pasadena. I am pulling for creepy, but either way will be content. There is also talk of Disney this afternoon. I hope, I hope.

The new hotel in Covina rocks the sucks right off the other hotel. Down comforters! It's really nice. I think it might actually be my heaven. You can look out one of the windows and see IKEA!!!!!! I love IKEA!

Well, I am off.

Love you all.

About Last Night...

Just when you thought you were going to be rid of me for a few weeks, I go and find myself some internet access.

Last night was my big Hollywood adventure.

Grauman's Chinese theatre, where I failed to find Audrey Hepburn's foot prints. But thanks to Bills, I had my picture taken with what I can only imagine was to be Dumbledore, or maybe Hagrid, Elvis and Marilyn Monroe. The oppourtunites exsisted for Spiderman, Jack Sparrow (or Captain Morgan depending on how you look at it), and a pimp too.

The Kodak Theatre, now that was cool. Being as much into movies as I am, being at the place the Oscar's are held every year, was basically a huge geek out moment for me. And let's not forget the American Idol finals. Walking where the red carpet goes, yea...I can't even tell you how much I dug that. The awards walk was cool, they have plaques on the wall of every film that has won best picture since the inception of the Oscars. If I have the chance to come for another visit, I think perhaps I would like to take the tour. I know, it probably didn't seem like I was enjoying myself, but I was one tired girl. I did take in far more then I let on though. Like a sponge I am, even when I am to tired to open my mouth. (I know you are having trouble believing that)

I could have freaked out in there too...I mean hello!?!?! They have a Sanrio store, a Sephora, and a Virgin megastore. That means broke for me. Can you believe I have been here almost 24 hours and the only thing I have bought is, lunch and dinner yesterday, a Mocha Coconut Frap (oh dear god) and parking? How have I not bought stuff? I am showing amazing restraint, because good lord, could I shop.

I booked a new hotel for tonight here in West Covina. I will be paying less and staying in a much nicer hotel. Someplace clean even. The thing is, the lobby of the hotel is quite misleading. I was upsettingly disappointed. But, I just kind of laughed it off, because...that's my luck. It wouldn't have been so bad if the place looked clean.

Speaking of luck, I had another lost ID scare. Dude at the front desk, who was a complete ass, kept my ID. That's a horrible feeling, not knowing where your ID is, when your are like 2100 miles from home. After having 2 scares with it in 24 hours, Xan now has custody of it. That's probably a good thing.

I feel tired and I should probably take a nap, but I really don't think I could. I just need a cup of coffee and I am good to go. I don't think we have really hashed out the day's major events. To be honest, I am being far more passive then I normally am. I am mostly in a 'take me, show me' mode.

I was thinking on the way back to Covina this morning that LA is really just a giant concrete jungle. I forget how much I enjoy metro areas until I am back in one. It's beautiful. One of the coolest things is how fast a city appears. You can just be driving along and then see a skylive just appear around a curve. That's cool. Some people can live there whole lives in a 10 block radius and never have to go any further, that to me is cool. i don't know if that's the life I could lead, but that is cool that the option exsists. Cities are beautiful. The old buildings laced with modern upgrades, the feeling of the whole world rushing around you...that's amazing. You can almost feel the heartbeat of a city walking the sidewalks. It's a very cool feeling. You are so disconnected with the people around you, but connected to the very soul of the city. Does that make any sense at all? It's not just LA. Minneapolis, Chicago...the feeling is there. You just have to let yourself find it.

It's not really sure what all the day holds in store for us yet, but I can't wait.

*wonder what the status of our leftovers from lunch is*

Day One...

Hey kids.

So, California. I am having fun. Let's talk about today. Flights were good. Very smooth. The stop in Milwaukee brought me a scare where in, I actually for a short time, lost my ID. That would have effectively ended my trip right there. With not being able to board planes and all. Fear not, I found the elusive ID on the floor at Starbucks. Mmmm. Pumpkin Spice latte.

A short layover (that I didn't know about) in Kansas City later, I was on my way to California. I tried to sleep without any luck. But I blame the crying baby for that.

After landing, I learned that nation-wide cellphone service....apparently does not include LA and the surrounding areas. Bummer. How am I to call you now?

We headed downtown to find my hotel. Fucking gross is all I have to say. I will be staying there tonight out of convience, but I WILL NOT stay there another night. It looks like a bad horror film could have been filmed there. Gross. I might get a hep shot when I get back.

Headed off for a tasty thai lunch. Yummy good stuff. Vermicelli with coconut milk. Happy tummy.

We are back at Xan and Bills place right now waiting for a friend and then are going to Hollywood!!! We are watching Dancer in the Dark right now, I don't know how I feel about it either.

Monday, we are all going to Disney. I am pumped about that happy surprise. I love Disney,


Well, off I go. Love you!

Silly Mommy...

I know I said I wasn't blogging, but I don't leave until the morning...so you knew there was a good chance that I'd slip one or two in here yet.

The youngest brother just text me to see how it was going. I was a little confused. Turns out Mom was all upset because she thought I left this morning and I didn't take the time to call her. And me not calling from California must mean, I am DEAD! So, I called her and the conversation went something like this.

Me: Hey Mom.

Mom: Oh you are ok. *instantly starts to choke up*

Me: So what, it's like quarter the 3 there?

Mom: Yes.

Me: Funny, it's that time in my living room too.

Dumb ass. She was sure I left today and the fact that I didn't call meant something horrible was happening to me. Good grief. She actually started crying on the phone. I think my eyes rolled right out of my head. And then I when I told her that I was staying at The Ritz...she didn't believe me and thought I was telling her the wrong hotel, so she couldn't call me.

It's not like this is the first time I am traveling without her. I moved out quite sometime ago and take trips all the time. She doesn't even know about some of them.

I might not miss her drama while I am gone. Or Melly's.

Ain't You Glad We Ain't All California Girls*...

Well, as of tomorrow...I will be. Sorta.

In about 25 hours, I will be departed for the local airport escorted by Bartender, to start my great California adventure.

I am looking forward to the time away and the chance to visit Xan. And of course, it's Los FREAKING ANGLES!

I hope that I am lucky enough to cross paths with an internet station here or there to blog about my adventures, but I make no promises.

In case I don't say it enough. Love ya!

I should be returning to the posting world on the 17th (the day after my birthday, I might add. Buy me something).

*And for the record...I hate that song.

Musical Musings...

I am trying really hard to warm up to Panic! At The Disco's release, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out.

Yea, I can't. It's complete crap. A big steaming pile of poo.

I'm Calling It Right Now...

Superbowl this year will be Colts vs Bears.

Much Better Representation...

This is a far better picture of him. He needs a new name. This Damien stuff will not do. I am leaning towards Chandler. But I open the floor to you from suggestions.

Well, That's Cool...

A picture I took got used in the bank's annual calendar.

It was kind of cool to see me name on the back cover.

It might not be much to you....but 5,000 homes are going to have a picture that I took hanging in it. That's huge for me.

And That's Cool Too...

I am just a mee 17 pounds away from my short term wieght goal.

I am pumped.

I Want One...

BabyGiggles gets cuter everytime I see him.

Like It's 1999...

There's a party in the works.

I am working on planning a porn party.

Yes, that's right. A porn party.

The idea is...everyone shows up in their pajamas (or they aren't let in) and any and all TV in the house must have porn playing on it. It's basically a party with porn in the background.

I am thinking muting the TV and having music...because I don't know how long I could listen to porn without freaking out.

But that's what is on the agenda for after my vacation...

Shithead...

Bartender thinks he's pretty smart now. Two weeks in a row he's driven me home from downtown. Tonight, I bargined with him. I was again outsmarted. He lied to me to get me in the car.

I think I'd be mad, if I didn't know it's because he cared.

Hello Kitty...

So, meet Satan. Well, his actual name is Damien. I think I am going to just call him kitty. I used to say that if I ever got a cat, I would name it Chandler. So, maybe.


Like I mentioned before, he is a loaner. As soon as Shanz comes back from her deployment in Iraq (she hasn't left yet), he goes back to his rightful owner.

Meow...

I think I am getting a cat.

He's a loaner...but a cat none the less.

A Public Service Announcement...

Keek has no internet at her apartment yet.

She asked that you all wait on baited breath for her glorious return to the blogging world.

I am sure it will be filled with the fluff and nonsense, we come to look forward to in Kikiland .

Confessions...

i am not:
ordinary.

i hurt:
inside right now.

i love:
easily and freely.

i hate:
the direction I have let my life go.

i hear:
the beat of my heart.

i crave:
food. I am damn hungry.

i regret:
not finishing school.

i cry:
alone.

i care:
too much about my friends sometimes.

i always:
have time for you

i long for:
the day when I can consider myself a sucess

i feel alone:
more then you know

i listen:
when others have stopped

i hide:
my addiction

i drive:
irresponsibliy

i sing:
whenever I can

i write:
words that you will never read

i breathe:
tarnished air, like the rest of you

i miss:
the way I used to feel

i learn:
quickly

i feel:
less and less important everyday

i fail:
only when I give up

i dream:
of a better life for you and me

i sleep:
rarely enough for it to count anymore

i wonder:
why everything has to be so hard right now

i want:
to be happy

i worry:
constantly

i have:
the best friends on earth

i give:
more of myself away then I should

i fight:
for those who need me

i need:
approx. $5,000

i am:
so sick of it all

i can't help the fact that i:
care too much

The Best Lunch Ever...

Whole Grain Wheat Bread
Roasted Red Pepper Hummus
Cucumbers
A Dash Of Salt

Now, that is a tasty sandwich.

WTF...

Why the hell is it so cold?

Why do I hate the new singles from both Beyonce and Fergie?

Chronicles Of The Still-Not College Bound...

So I got a letter from the Financial Aid office today. The letter informed me that I was approved for a student loan for the amount indicated in my award letter.

I never got an award letter. So, I called the Financial Aid office and they informed me that I was approved and cancelled in the same day. Apparently, the system automatically cancels your request if you are not registered for classes when it is input into the system.

Fuckers. I have to reapply again in a month after I am signed up for classes. Fuckers.

Snippets...

"Melly, don't eat that. It's for dogs." -spoken by me.

"You know what's funny. Dog biscuits taste exactly like you'd think." -spoken by Kristina.

Stranger Then Your Sympathy...

Sympathy is such a strange word. Webster's II New Riverside Dictionary (It's the one in the office) describes it as such.

1a. A relationship between individuals in which whatever affects the other in a similar way.
b. Mutual affection or understanding
2a. The capacity to share another's feelings
b. A feeling or expression of sorrow for another's distress or loss
c. Pity

It's funny how just adding another word changes it's whole meaning. Like making the word fuck it's suffix.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner. Option 2c. Pity. Sympathy Fuck. Pity. Same thing. Repeat it with me. Sympathy Fuck. Pity. Now repeat it over and over in your head for about 12 hours. That's emotional where I am at right now. Rock fucking bottom.

Now, you are probably sitting there with a perplexed look on your face, wondering what the hell is this girl talking about. Allow me to explain.

Melly and I were talking last night, and you know how conversation can wander when you are talking with friends....well, it wandered to making out with friends. And how in our group, it seems to happen a whole lot. I commented that I think Bartender and I are the only ones who haven't made out with each other.

"It's surprising because we all kind of expected it to have happened already."

"Why?" I asked puzzled.

"Oh, just all the time you two spend together and all the alcohol that was consumed this summer."

I didn't say anything more about the topic and moved on. Later in the evening, I looked at her and said, "You really thought Bartender and I were going to hook up."

"Everybody did. It's because you guys are together all the time. I could tell you something, but I shouldn't because you might repeat it and it will be obvious that it came from me."

Well, you can't start a sentence like that and not finish it. So, I pushed and pushed until flowed from her like a river.

"We were all sitting around one night at the NWL and the usual crowd was there. However, the two of you were absent. I was drunk and overheard someone ask about the two of you hooking up. The other person said that it hadn't happened yet, and if/when it did, it would have been or will be a sympathy fuck."

*Insert blind rage here*

I laughed it off and went back to what I was doing. I must have gotten deadly quiet because she commented on the silence. I told her that I was just really focused on what I was doing. I commented on the time shortly after and went into my bedroom to make it appear that I was getting ready for bed, hoping she would get the hint. She did leave rather quickly.

All I could think about all night long were those two little words. For being just words, they provided a substanial blow to my self-esteem. I kept thinking to myself about how no girl with a soul would or should say that to another girl. How mean of her to repeat that. I start rationalizing this. She is a girl with self-esteem issues that spill out in to the street. You have to watch where you step around this girl because it gets messy sometimes. I also have self-esteem issues. I am much more reserved about them. Most days, you'd never know by looking at me that I am just a scared, lonely little girl. Melly has it stamped on her forehead, "Take advantage of me. Pay me some attention, and I will give you my world. Use me and toss me aside for my friends to clean up" I can only imagine that on some level of her insane state of being she told me this to let my insecurities show and to make her feel a little better about herself. It was a blow I wasn't expecting, and I can't shake it.

I keep thinking to myself, "Is this what Bartender thinks of me and our friendship? Is that the kind of person he really is? Does he think I am deserving of his pity and a sympathy fuck? Which one of my 'friends' would say something like that? Who deserves a hit to the kidneys?"

But you know what, I don't need his fucking sympathy. I got some recently, all on my own, thank you very much. And it wasn't out of pity. So, I have mixed feelings today. I am upset by it, but I think more upset that she has her head so far up her ass that she wouldn't see how this could effect someone. It was so hurtful. It wasn't said with malice, but I clearly think the intent was there. I can't help but wonder if she is jealous of my friendship with Bartender.

You see the backstory there is that Melly and Bartender used to date. Twice actually. She allegedly cheated on him during one of their on times and he left her. Well, they remained fuck buddies for awhile. Lately, Bartender has been pulling away, he's moved on from that part of his life. He's tired of her drama, tired of her trying to no avail to climb him like a tree. Tired of being a supportive friend to a girl that just won't listen. He's just tired. She informed me once while drunk that he didn't love her anymore, because he loved me now. I filled the spot of female best friend and she was no longer needed. I was kidding around with him one night and mentioned that to him and he just replied, "I do love you more then her." So maybe she is just jealous.

The more I sit here all day wondering who exactly might have said this and who I should be mad at, it dawned on me. The only person I heard utter those horrid little words is Melly. The only person I have reason to be angry with is Melly. Melly is the one who displayed extraordinarily bad judgement. Melly is the one who actually administered the blow that broke me.

Girls suck. Boys are dumb but girls suck.

Um, What Do You Say to That...

Melly just said that one reason she wants her tonsils out is to give better head.

So boys, her surgery...all for you

Smatherings...

It's all over on this one.

I am approaching this two job thing a little different then the last time. When I worked for Radio Shack a few years back in my spare time, all I did was work. I never saw my friends, I never called anyone. I got up, went to the bank, went to Radio Shack and went home. Day after day. It was the same thing without any changes.

This time around I am making sure to squeeze life in there somewhere. And post first week, it seems to be ok. I am not overly-tired, cranky, or depressed. I am broke, but happy.

Sitting around my house this morning, I occurred to me how much I miss what my Sundays used to be. I miss alot of things. I miss my house being filled with friends and laughter. Don't get me wrong, my life is full of those things, just not my house. Right at this very second, I wish I was making breakfast for a bunch of 1/2 comatose people.

Sundays were a thing of beauty. I got up early. 6.30 am early so that the 3rd shifters could join us. We would all be there no matter how late we had stayed up or how icky we felt. I made so much food that we all ate til we burst. And then we sat around and played board games until the 3rd shifters couldn't hold their heads up anymore. I miss that.

I started this post when I left for work. I didn't finish it. It's now 4.30. I am back at the apartment for my lunch. What I made, isn't good, but it isn't terrible either. A can of tuna with mustard mixed together and spread on whole grain wheat bread. Dry. But health friendly.

I am actually pretty entertained by Wal-mart today. The CSM's are kissing my ass. The day is going by pretty fast.

Tonight, I have to stop by Annie's and drop off something. I am really not looking forward to it. She is kind of a pain in the ass lately. Now that we don't live together, we don't see all that much of each other. But I imagine she probably doesn't see much of anyone. She's not so great about the whole calling thing. She sits around waiting for her phone to ring and wonders why no one ever calls, when in reality, she herself never picks up the phone. I am not really wanting to go over there, but she did do me a favor and I should be grateful.

I have been getting gradually more excited for my vacation. 20 days. In 20 days, I will be in Southern California. I like the sound of that. I can't wait to see Xan too. I miss him oodles.


I don't know what else to say, so I am just not going to talk anymore.

Juicy's Day Off...

I had all day off yesterday. It was glorious. I hopped in the car and took off pretty early. I hung out with a couple of friends. Spent too much money. Ate good food. You know, the works.

I needed that. Especially since days off are kind of scattered right now.

Financially Unaided...

Well, I got a letter from the Financial Aid office today. Apparently, some of my paperwork did not make it to their office and more information is needed before they can see if they have any grants to offer me.

Why am I not surprised that my paperwork didn't make it there in it's complete state?

Why is this so hard?

Tales Of A Tuesday...

So I am broke, right?

Well, I babysat for Ray-ray tonight because I needed some extra cash. On the way home, I saw the NWL still open so, I stopped in for one drink to visit with Bartender Boy. Well, his roommate and a friend of ours came in and one drink turned into bar close.

I got a little drunk. I think it's the 25 hours worked in 2 days thing. I am tired, so those few drinks fucked me up a little.

Well, I get home and for whatever reason I called Bartender.

All I have to say about that conversation is this. I love semi-drunken 2 am phone calls. It was the most fun I have had on the phone in awhile. We went to lunch together today, I stopped by the bar, and still we had stuff to talk about for well over an hour.

I love calls like that!! What a great end to my night.

Spoil Me...

Take me to see "The Last Kiss".

It opens Friday and I want to go badly.I deserve it. I have been really good. And it's been a long week, it's only Tuesday.

Kudos To Juicy...

One of the managers (who I sort of know socially, by association) stopped me last night at the store to tell me how much they really appreciated the fact that I required so little training (3 hours) and was confidant enough to be left completely alone on the front end last night. And how they were really happy to have me back and how much he liked seeing my face around the store.

It's not alot but, it meant something to me.

The Best Worst Day Ever...

I screwed up bad at work last night. Kiki and I forgot to do a ton of stuff as part of the closing process last night.

I heard about it immediately upon my return to work this morning. My supervisor was horribly pissed off. She demanded that I put in writing why tasks were not completed. I am pretty sure they are not going to like the note I give them that reads the following...

I Forgot.

Yup, just one more reason they are going to hate me. But after she spent a crapload of time ripping me a new asshole, all I could do was laugh. It's funny. I fucked up. Bad. It was a mistake anyone could have made, unlikely, but possible. The only thing left to do was laugh.

The Bartender took me out to lunch today and was failing to see how me being in a shit ton of trouble was funny, and was convinced I am out of my mind. I couldn't stop giggling.

I stopped and saw the Fish before I headed back to work and broke into another fit of giggles. My tummy hurt before I got back to work from all the laughing.

The really funny part is, I closed again tonight. After I had already set the alarms, I looked up and saw that I had made the exact same mistake all over again. I just started laughing again. I was laughing so hard that I actually had to sit down on the curb. I actually had troulbe breathing. It was awesome.

The day was just building into this big pile of goo and all that was left to do was laugh it off.

Well, Not My Mom...

This mother traded completed homework for weed?!?!

Are we sure it's not this mother?

It's wasn't my mother, that's for sure. Pretty sure, I would have had better grades. I wonder if this option exsists once I start classes. That might be a pretty strong motivator.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA......

I am having the best worst day ever. No time to explain....but oy....all I can do is laugh. Details to follow.

But guess who is in town...

That's right. Dave Coulier. Uncle Joey from Full House.

HAHA!

What A Bitch...

The Bartender asked me to lunch for today. In payment for all the times I got ditched, I have an urge to stand him up today and I think it's totally justified.

But will I? Of course not. Would you turn down a free chinese dinner?

Five Years...

And I am still troubled.

Yup, That About Sums It Up...

Here's is Kiki. Mid birthday celebration. Looks like she's enjoying herself, doesn't she.



How am I getting away with posting this? Kiki has no internet at home, yet. She may never know this post exsists. Hehehe.

Fuck-A-Duck...

I finished all my training sessions (about 27) in about 3 hours. I was sent to lunch and I was basically set loose on a register. I had a trainer watching me for about 35 minutes...and then I was on my own.

I am tired and my legs really hurt. I have far too much to doo to lay down though.

And For An Ecore...

Now that I just dumped my noodles all over the floor, that were to be my lunch...

It seems only right that I then proceed to spill my milk all over myself.

An Ode To My Apartment...

My neighbor on the bedroom side of my apartment, plays electric guitar.

Happy Sunday Morning to me.

Suckage Of The Balls...

I forgot how much day 1 at Wal-mart sucks the balls.

So glad they called me LAST NIGHT and gave me a few hours notice that I was starting work this weekend.

But it's the weekend of the Lake Party. So, I may be showing up for day 2 a little hungover.

Maybe alot. I dunno.

Happy Birthday....

To the Joefish.

Go leave him happy thoughts!

Duck And Run...

I spent last night and will spend all of today avoiding the one or two people that inflict drama on my life.

Last night, was successful. I got to sleep and I just didn't answer the phone.

Today, starting the new job will also help. That's 8 hours, I have an actual excuse.

The Kidnapping Will Commence...

...at midnight.

Melly, the Bartender Boy and I are kidnapping Kiki at midnight to start her birthday celebrations as early as we can.

Nothing says 21st birthday like midnight karoake.

I stole Annie's camera that takes video, so maybe by morning I will have some AWESOME video to post.

Fuck-A-Duck...

Well, I totally called my financial aid results back in this post.

Based on the information we have on record for you,
you are not eligible for a Federal Pell Grant but you may be
eligible for other aid.  Your school will use your
EFC to determine your financial aid
eligibility for other federal grants,
loans, and work study, and possible
funding from your state and school.

Just wonderful. I love knowing that I am just barely making it on my own, but evidently, I can afford to put myself through school too.

Thirty- One...

The countdown begins.

In 31 days, I am going on vacation. 10 days in Southern California sound pretty good right about now. I imagine I should think about booking my hotel room pretty soon, huh?

I just have one question for you though.

Why am I not more excited?

Quality Over Quantity...

I just want one night of good sleep. I used to think that it wasn't unattainable. I am changing that line of thinking.

I am sleeping, don't get me wrong. But it won't be long until the insomnia has taken over again. I am at the gateway.

The first sign is always how I sleep. I wake up every hour and a half to two hours. It's always the same thing. I look at the clock and then I fall right back to sleep.

Well, that screws with you. I just want one night to sleep all the way through till early morning's light.

Ug. I am frustrated.

Oh Yea...

Happy Labor Day...

Every Right...

Last Saturday, I got blown off for lunch. I understood the reason, so I let it go. But I got blown off none the less.

Tuesday of last week, I got blown off for lunch. I understood the reason...yeah, yeah. You know how it goes.

Saturday, I got blown off for lunch. Apparently, each of us thought the other was going to call. Saturday night consisted of some light ass kissing...and plans were made for today.

And hey, guess what?

It's 2 in the afternoon and I am hungry because I didn't get lunch.

I have every right to be pissed off. Will I ever tell him I am pissed? Probably not.

A Quiet Return...

I picked up my camera this morning...and actually posted over on the photo blog.

A Message To A Few...

Here's how I feel about some people in my life right now.

To My Broken Hearted Friend...

You are beautiful. Your heart will heal. The hurt will pass. You will come out stronger.

Sweet like a kiss sharp like a razor blade
I find you when I'm close to the bottom
You can't appreciate the time it takes
To kick a love I always knew was kind of wrong
And as I'm putting out the flame
Somebody brings up your name

Baby baby baby bring me down
I want to be right where you are
Baby baby baby bring me down
You can look me in the eye and break my heart
Break my heart

Six AM unruffled pillow
Laughs out loud at my trusting heart
It's like I didn't see the penny
I missed the fountain by a couple yards
If you would only stay gone
Maybe I could move on

Baby baby baby bring me down
I want to be right where you are
Baby baby baby bring me down
You can look me in the eye and break my heart
Break my heart

Bring me down...

A Dilemma...

My "foster sister" just called. She wants me to watch my 7 year old neice Suzie and my 3 month old nephew Adam tonight. She wants to pay me in food stamps because she knows things have been tight for me.

Ok, Don't get me wrong. I love those kids. I would drop everything to hang out with Suzie. Ask anyone, she's my little girl. Everytime I have stopped over lately to see little Adam, he's been at someone else's house. He's not even 6 months old. It's not like he's hanging out at the mall, she just doesn't want the baby around evidently. I would love nothing more then to hang out with the kids.

I have a few problems with this situation.

• She's on food stamps. Apparently, the State is giving her so much aid that she can afford to toss it around. Stuff like this upsets me. I have this feeling I am going to get shafted on Financial Aid, and she can just give away the help she gets. Makes me wonder if I should apply for food stamps. At least, I'd appreciate the help.
  
• Allowing her to go out tonight is assisting in the possiblity of another child being brought into this world to allow her to continue milking the system. I saw her out last Saturday. I don't get it. She doesn't take care of herself all that well, so she's kind of a mess to look at. And yet, she was basically having sex on the dancefloor. I am a pretty girl, more then once in the last 24 hours I have been told I am not only beautiful but hot. I don't even get looked at?!? It doesn't compute for me.

On the other hand, babysitting would keep me home tonight, which would help the finance situation. I want to see the kids, but I don't think this is the way to get to spend sometime with them. Maybe I will just pick them up tomorrow for a few hours.

Because I Am Worth It...

I got offered the job tonight. Not surprising.

The shocking part is Wal-mart offered me $9/hr starting out to be a cashier.

That's not all that much less then I make at the bank.

That's certainly a step up from the $7/hr they were trying to offer.

Available For Rent...

Me, that is. Please hire me on and offer me money before they do.

I had my interview at Wal-mart tonight. It's not really over. There are two portions, but due to computer malfunctions they could not complete the interview and are asking me to return tomorrow.

The funny thing is, the sign that they want to hire you is after your interview they ask you to take a drug test.

My interview isn't even over yet and I know my drug test date.

Why waste my time with an interview if you knew that you were going to hire me?

Because I Told You Too...

...that's why.

Go check out Black Sheep. The newest member of our little coven.

Because She Loves Me...

Kittenspawn has some talent, huh? Here's the necklace that she made for me. Well, not for me. But...I saw it...and I had to have it. So let me have my delusion and believe she made it FOR me.

Am I Still Thirsty...

It's Thirsty Thursday. It's normally softball Thursday. The season is over.

My favorite bartender called last night and asked what we were doing tonight. It's a conversation that has been had many times over with assorted friends.

The only answer...

"Go to the Northwestern, of course."

Flashback...

Today is my interveiw at Wal-mart for a 2nd job.

It's like going back in time 8 years.

I am not really excited about it. But I need some cash bad.

Crazy Like A Straw...

You remember crazy straws, right? Weren't those things the shit?

Anyway, so yesterday was a very dramatic day for me. Lots of crying girls needing me to save their days.

I was hiding out in my apartment, doing the dishes and I hear a knock on the door.

I turn around to see the neighbor that I always try to avoid. The nieghbor that I always thought was a little off. Lots of little clues. Like standing outside holding a catheter bag.

Anyway, she stands in my living room and proceeds to tell me that she was admitted to the mental health department in one of the best hospitals in the state for the last 10 days. And that she had been admitted to the local hospital's mental health department 8 times since January. And how she finally has been diagnosed correctly as being Bi-polar. And how the only medication strong enough to treat her condition is ... Lithium.

Ok. I am not one to judge. Everyone has their demons but not everyone stands in my living room and explains all the ways that they are bat-shit crazy.

All I could think standing there listening to her was, "Time to move."

Chronicles Of The Still-Not College Bound...

So my advising appointment was this morning. It wasn't the most enlightening appointment of my life.

I had to re-apply, which was fun. I had to pay the application fee again. Even though, I am a student and I even have an ID number. So, as a result, I also was not able to enroll in classes for the spring. I have to wait to get re-accepted.

I also wasn't able to get my transcripts released to me right away because apparently, I had late fees in the LRC from 2000. To the amount of $27!!! What in the hell did I think I needed to keep for an extra 21 days?!

The only positive thing that came out of this experience was that I learned that I am not on academic probation like I thought. But possibly, financial aid probation. I find that amazing, because I have never recieved any aid....I don't think. But my GPA is 1.94, so one solid grade, and I am back in good standing.

I think I will feel better about things once I am actually enrolled.

Chronicles Of The College Bound...

There are possibly going to be alot of posts with this title for awhile. Bear with me whilest rant.

So I am talking to my supervisor today, letting her know that I am going back to school.

"I don't know how much we are going to be able to bend on your schedule."

WTF?!?!?! Bend on my schedule? If I can't be there, I can't be there.

What a douche bag.

Everyone is making this as tough as possible, I think.

Oh yes, and my step-dad thinks that I am wasting my money.

Chronicles Of The College Bound...

The closer the appointment draws...the more nervous I get.

Waffle Envy...

Did you know that such a thing exsisted?

I am at Joe and Barb's and there are Scooby-Doo shaped waffles on the counter.

I totally have waffle envy.

An Ode To My Apartment...

In the lastest installment, you find us in the bathroom (there's alot to talk about there, just you wait)

So I hop in the shower to wash my hair, because I am all hell bent on 'doing' my hair tonight. Don't get me wrong, I always do something with my hair...I have to, I have short curly hair. You HAVE to do something with it.

Well, tonight I felt like styling it. Which involved borrowing a blowdryer (I know, seriously, a girl that doesn't own a blow dryer? Hate the things...dry my curls out too much. Makes em fuzzy), cracked out the curling iron (Wait a minute, she has a curling iron, but not a blow dyer? I don't know how that happened...I have naturally curly hair.)

Anyway, I am getting ready to hop in the shower...(i.e. getting nekkid) and I go to plug in the curling iron...looking for the outlet that I have never needed...

THERE ISN'T ONE!

What the hell? No outlet in the bathroom?!?!?! WHO DOES THAT? I have five outlets in the bedroom...

So I have a trail of extention cords through the bedroom so I can do my hair in the bathroom.

I hate this apartment.

Leave Me Alone, I'm Lonely...

I am in a mood today. A lonely and needy mood. Except what I need, I can't have. So I am not going to talk about it.

Below please find a few posts that have been sitting in my inbox, that I just finally got around to posting. I included the dates that I wrote them.

But you probably don't care what I was thinking about a month ago. I don't really either.

Movie Mumblings (7/29/06)...

Clerks 2 - Ok, so not going to win an Oscar anytime soon. I laughed my ass off. It was so stupid. I loved it. It was exactly what I needed on a gloomy day last week. Yay! for Kevin Smith. I think he might just be one of my favorites in the movie industry. All the appropriate cameo appearances where there, minus Matt Damon.

This movie may be the only time I have ever laughed out loud at the use of the word "Cornhole". Well, outside of Beavis and Butthead, that is.

Go with really low expectations, and you will have a blast.

Movies I am hoping to catch on the big screen next are: Miami Vice, John Tucker Must Die, and Talladega Nights (which is going to also be retarded). And since typing that line I have just made plans with my bitches to go see John Tucker Must Die...tomorrow. (I never did make it to that movie.)

Too Much Too Soon (8/3/06)...

Is it just me or is it a touch too soon for 9/11 movies? I didn't think too much about United 93 when it came out, but I also didn't think I could go see it in the theatre. And I didn't.

Next week, World Trade Center comes out with Nicolas Cage. I don't watch a lot of TV anymore, so I didn't know this was coming out until I saw a poster at the local cinema. And what struck me as odd was this line "Based on a true story" (or something to that effect). HELLO?!?! DUH! No way. That really happened?

I think it's one thing for Ben Affleck to pimp out a fictional movie based on a historical event that happened 50+ years ago. (You remember that train wreck, Pearl Harbor) To me, this is still very much current events. It's not even been 5 years. This is still a very emotional hot spot for our nation. I remember everything about that day. I remember every emotion, every tear shed, how scared I was to go to sleep for fear something else would happen. I just don't know if I am ready to relive all of those emotions again.

Owwie...

I have an amazing hangover.


Could you read a little quieter?

Chronicles Of The College Bound...

After many, many phone calls, I have finally gotten my advising appointment.

And the appointment is 2 weeks eariler then then the twat who aswered the phone last week, told me to call about scheduling appointment.

Last night, there wass also a fantastic freak-out on my part. I started looking at some of my classes and am begining to wonder if I am smart enough to do this.

Chronicles Of The College Bound...

I called the financial aid office today. They weren't much help. They gave me a website to start applying for financial aid. Wahoo...thanks buddy.

But they did get me to pick a program.

As of now, I am a University Transfer student.

Major Blowage...

Drama that isn't mine.

That sucks.

Well, At Least She Can Legally Do That...

Kiki is turning 21 in a few weeks.

I have been elected to organize this event.

I think I am scared.

As the title implies, she can soon legally do what she does everynight anyway...

How's That For Flattery...

I have been paid too of the highest compliments of my life in the last few days.

I was told that I am not "bat shit crazy" like some of the girls in my life.

And

I am actually a goddess.

Who else wants to make me feel special now? Although, my nephew did a pretty good job of it when he almost knocked me over hugging me today. I love that kid.

A Complete 180...

I love when a completely crap day, turns itself around and becomes something to make you smile.

I love that!

Today, I was all freaking out over school (still am), but I was on the phone just bitching away to my mom on lunch (now you know things were bad...I called mom). And she asked if I was really going back to school when I couldn't afford groceries. My reply was simple.

"I will obviously, continue to not eat."

For the 1st time in my adult life, my mother stepped up to the plate and was a mother.

She showed up at work with no less then 10 shopping bags full of food.

"Now you have one less thing to worry about."

That might be the coolest thing she has ever done.

And then...(I know, you are thinking, how could it get any better?)

We had some weird techincal program problem that was giving our IT Deptment A-N-D the programs tech support quite a bit of problems ...

And I fixed it, while they were all sitting around scratching their heads...me. I had to tell the tech support guys how to fix their problems.

HA!

I know it might seem silly to you, but I am feeling pretty good about things right now.

It Shouldn't Be This Hard...

I have never been one to think things through real well. Ask anyone in my family.

Sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes I dive into something and end up making an ass of myself. But more often then not, the more time I have to prepare for anything major, I talk myself out of it and end up bitching out.

Well, as I mentioned eariler, my newest quest is going back to school. I was talking to Bartender Josh on Wednesday of last week, and he was talking about his upcoming class schedule. He had just registered for classes that morning. Classes started today. I had been listening to Melly talk about school starting for several weeks. I started to get really jealous of the oppourtunity that going to school would eventually open up to them. I looked at Josh and announced that I was going back. I was making an advising appointment for the next day and I was going. That was all the thought I put into it.

I called that afternoon to make my appointment, and I was basically shut out. I was told it was too late to register. WTF!!!! That's bullshit. Josh had just registered that morning. I didn't think about it too much, but was really annoyed. Whatever.

So trying not to think too much of it, I thought, ok. Well, I am off a day closer to the end of the month...I will call then to get an appointment to talk about the Spring semster. For all practical purposes, this is a far better idea anyway. I would have had to take tutition money and everything out of my vacation money and I really need this vacation.

So, I pull the spring schedule off the internet at work and start looking at classes. I call the advising office to make the appointment and the woman tells me I can't even make the appointment to....TALK...about spring until almost 30 days from now. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!

I don't even know if I am staying in the same program. I am thinking about tranferring, looking into differnet educational paths...and I can't even get into talk to anyone.

And another thing I have to figure in is, that I left school on academic probation. I can't even think about transferring until that is cleared up, no school is going to touch me. I have work issues to think about, I can't afford to not work right now. I mean, I am not really living the high life right not. I am looking for a second job. I get alot of flack for being out all the time, well, I am barely spending $10 a week being out. That's really not unreasonable. I am usually drinking soda and hanging out at the NWL as an excuse not to be in my apartment alone. I can't really even buy groceries...which, I mean my clothes fit better...but still.

I have to think about financing...who is going to pay for all this? I certainly can't depending on my parents. They can barely take care of themselves. This is all stuff I want to get into advising and at least get pointed in the right direction...

..and I can't even get an appointment.

It's not supposed to be this hard....really it's not.