Here We Go Again...

My online class opens today. I am so not ready for this already.

It's Not Easy Being This Crazy...

I don't even know where to start. I have been freaking out all day.

Let's start with the boy. I worked in the restaurant today. I had all kinds of time for my mind to wander. Once I settled down a little bit, I had time to evaluate last night's situation. The most romantic thing ever happened last night. But it didn't happen to me.

His love is in the area from Vegas. She is in the next city for a bachelorette party. He and I were at this wedding. He announces during the reception that he is considering going to see her. I tell him I think it's a bad idea (Of course I think it's a bad idea...I know how he feels about her. I know he'll never feel that way about me. I think it's a rotten idea!!!). We are standing in the middle of everything discussing the situation, and I go ahead and say what a best friend should.

"Be happy." (Fucking moron)

He stops mid sentence. Looks at me.

"Fuck this. I love her. I am going. I love you, I'll call you from the road." Gives me the warmest hug ever and runs out the door.

He lived out a real live movie moment right there in front of me. It was so sweet and devastating at the same time. I made small talk for a few minutes and then found my way to the door before my face exploded in tears.

I swear, last night, I was in a live action Resse Witherspoon movie. I sobbed uncontrollably for a bit and put myself to bed.

At work, I couldn't help but wonder, I am in love with him...or am I in love with the idea of being with someone like him? Am I just sick of being single and this is what happens? I would never ever give up my friendship with him for anything. And I can't imagine not being able to talk to him about every little thing with him...including our relationships. Can't I just clone him and date the clone? (Though, I did see that Michael Keaton movie with the cloning and we know it was a horrid idea from that) Anyway, the more I thought about it, I convinced myself that my "love" for my best friend may just be that I am in fact, a little bit lonely. And he's there. And I know how wonderful he is. Well, let's be real...should I be in love with my best male friend who I spend every single day with? No. But is it possible? Without a doubt. But I can't go jumping off the deep end here.

And telling him, only going to make things worse. There will be this weirdness and I can't have that. I depend on him too much, to not have him there. I can't risk that. I can't take the chance.

After work, he called me. I assume to tell me how things went last night (he spent the night there...I can assume). And why is it that talking to him made every single thing ok? I just got off the phone with him...he did listen to me whine about the other stuff I have going on (that's another post) and I feel 100% better. I won't tell him what really caused my distress but he believes it to be over a boy. He has nooooo idea.

All he said about his little encounter with her, is that it was nice. He says he doesn't have alot to tell me right now, other then it was nice. (What the fuck does nice mean?)

I just don't know what is going on in my head right now. But, I know I am ok now. Which probably just further proves that I am in love with him...but back to denial.

Now, I am going to launch into the other stuff. School.

It dawned on me on Friday that at this rate, I am looking at being 33 when I graduate with my BA. 33. Now, I know there is a new Lifetime movie every week that tells us that anybody can do it. My life is not a movie. His is, mine isn't. I need to be going to school full time. I cannot wait another 6 years for life to really start. I need action now.

So, going to school full time, means working less. This also means...I don't know if I am going to be able to live on my own. I may have to bite the bullet and move in with my mother. I am going to toss around the idea with other family members, as my mother is my last resort.

Living with my mother at nearly 30 (OMG, 30. That's not a fun idea to wrap my pea mind around) , I can't be that person. I mean, I could...but do I want to. Oh fuck no.

So, now I gotta figure shit out. How to work, how to go full time at school, How to keep my apartment, How to have a life and still keep my life in tact.

I am a big mental mess right now. I just don't know anything right now.

Now About That...

I wasn't drunk last night when I made that post. I'm also not deleting it. I thought about it, but...if Usher can make a million dollars telling his story, maybe I can sleep better at night. You already know that I love him, but maybe I needed to say it out loud.

It sucks. I don't feel better after a night of sleep. I thought being over tired and spending too much time in the sun yesterday, combined with 3 weddings in 7 days was all it was...

Turns out...I knew all along what was wrong with me.

Now it's all about moving on...right?

Now, it's just making sure that he doesn't find out.

These Are My Confessions...

I just sent the only boy I have thought I could spend my life with, after the love of his life, because he is still in love with her.

I'm a good friend, for sending him after her right? He loves her.

But I love him...what about me?! Who sends me after my happy ending? Did I just fuck myself over?

Should I feel odd that she's the only thing he won't tell me about?

I Can't Stop Smiling...

Bartender and I had a moment on the phone tonight. It completely validated our friendship. It was exactly what I needed to hear tonight.

He's good like that.

Sometimes I wonder what kind of couple we would hypothetically make. Right now, I am so content with our friendship.

And I spent sometime with Kiki tonight, and it was looong over due. I so needed that. She did ask me to throw her baby shower though! I couldn't be more thrilled that she would trust me with this.

Movie Mumblings...

The Omen: 666 - This remake was much creepier then the original. I really enjoyed it.

LA Confidential - I'm watching it right now. I don't like it.

The Accidental Felon...

Bartender and I had a short criminal career the other day. We are not good at that game.

I'll follow with the story another day.

Left A Note And Said I'm Sorry, I've Had A Bad Again...

Phone rings at 1 am this morning. I see it's Bartender. I found it odd, be cause he is supposed to be at college town for orientation.

He's stranded on the side of the freeway and wanted to talk to me while he waited for his saving grace. It sounds like his transmission went out on him.

He calls once his dad drops off another vehicle and waits for the other to be towed home.

He is delayed but not, screwed.

He calls me again. 9 a.m. from his orientation. They messed up his application and he's not even a student. He has to reapply.

He drove 2.5 hours and killed his car for nothing. I'm making him his favorite meal tonight. I think he's earned it.

I don't know why I felt compelled to tell you that. I just did.

Oh, yea. And Xan might have cancer. Has to have surgery on Thursday. I'm scared. What is going on with my friends!?!?!

Another Beautiful Bride...

Another beautiful bride.

Two weddings in two days is alot. As fun as it was, I am freaking beat.

Hehehee...

I'm Going To Die Alone...

*sigh* It was a lovely day. Today could not have gone any more perfectly for the happy couple. I am sort of broken hearted and happy all at the same time. I am 50% of the way through the wedding weekend and I think the tough one will actually be tomorrow. Weddings make the single girl really sad.

I could insert a confession here about people...but won't. Instead...I think I'll go to bed.

*I did look sorta hot today though, but not quite hot enough...I'll never be hot enough*

Movie Mumblings...

300 - Visually, the coolest thing I have ever seen. However, after the first fight scene, I found the movie unbearable. The acting is terrible and the dialog is laughable. How upsetting. It looked like nothing more then a sensational video game.

Accepted - Hehehe. Justin Long makes me giggle. I don't care how fluffy the movie is.

I Did Not Know That...

Surf the internet long enough and even that is boring.

Is There A Chiropractor In The House...

I just went and got my books for the upcoming semester. OW! These bitches are heavy.

Went to the doctor today. Time to go back on some meds I thought I grew out of as a kid. I am having some difficulty managing my ADD lately. Turns out that I was also due for every vaccine booster on the planet. My arm hurts.

I was to have lunch with Bartender today, he didn't answer the phone. Shocking. *notice invisible snarky tone*

My former roommate is getting married in a few days. Odd.

My cats are fighting. Not shocking.

Bluebidy Bluebidy Blu.

Give A Girl A Flat Iron...

And you change her identity completely.

A Day With Something To Say...

It seems I always have something to say, though. Why is today any different? It just is.

I was in the bank today conducting some ... well, banking. While I was there the AVP of (whatever), The woman in charge spotted me. This woman had a hand in hiring me. This woman trained me. This woman has been my only cheerleader for some time now. She pulled me aside and asked me what really happened with my dismissal.

I told her. I told her I felt like I had been a target for quite sometime. The terms of my dismissal are simple on paper. I was late for work. I was let go for this reason. Do I think that underlying issues existed, oh yes. I ended up unloading everything on her that I should have said 3 years ago. She asked me, if I was offered my job back with a salary increase, would I consider it? I felt confident walking away from her, knowing I told her no.

I felt better then I had in months. What an emotional release that was. I stopped to see Kiki on the way home, and it felt right again. I miss Keeks.

On the rest of the walk home, I felt so pleased that I actually considered booking a flight out to California to see my dear friend who is having a rough time lately.

I got home and through the "6 degrees of net surfing" on Myspace, I came across the fact that he told other people that I am a bad friend lately. I forgot to call him Monday, like I said I would. I made no effort to call yesterday. He wrote hurtful things about me. He thinks now that I am friends with the people that he is close to, I no longer need him. That he has been replaced. That I don't care.

Well, ouch. That hurt. He thinks that's bad. I forgot for the first time since the 6th grade, to call my friend in Florida and wish her happy birthday. Now, that's bad.

I called. I didn't want too after that, but did. He didn't answer (I know he's home). I left a message. I will try tomorrow.

Ok, well. Pity party over. I'm off for tacos before work.

Fucking Fucker...

Fuck Barry Bonds...

Leave Me Alone...

I am in movie heaven. Distrubia and 300 came in the mail today. Distrubia is already in the DVD player.

I'll see you cats later!

The Night In Pictures...

Foiled Again...

I was about to ramble on about my 90's music dream come true (I saw the Gin Blossoms tonight) and then it hit me.

I have kitties to attend to.

Away I go. Maybe tomorrow.

I Like His Style...

Sandy Meowfax likes Tortellini Alfredo.

Me too.

He Is Really Bad At This Game...

Are you ready for an update in the boy story?

So, he's always giving me crap about working so late and we can never hang out, well, Monday I was done at 8 and asked if he wanted to see a movie. I didn't hear from him all day, so I guessed that was a no. He happens to call me just as I am getting home to ask if I wanted to do something. I get to the top of my stairs to discover that my roommate has dead bolted me out of the apartment. I could not seem to wake him, so I explained to boy that until I had this resolved plans were on hold.

Instead of melting in the heat, I walked down by Bartender, because his bar is air conditioned, and attempted to wake the roommate. 30 minutes later, the door was unlocked. I let boy know I would be over as soon as I changed clothes.

"I have friends over now."

"Oh. Um. Ok maybe this weekend?"

He calls to tell me that he doesn't actually have friends over...yet. But he might. His friend is a girl visiting from Canada and doesn't have a cell phone so he can't confirm plans with her. But, he'll call me at 10 if she doesn't show.

No real plans are made. I continue to hang out with Bartender, since I have no where to be. Since neither of us has bought his sister's birthday present, I have been sent to purchase them. Bartender keeps mentioning that Boy should probably had said something to the effect of his friend being his one eyed cousin just to smooth things over. It is decided that should Boy call and try to make plans I am not going. I brush it off and head on my mission.

While shopping, Boy calls. His friend wants to go shoot pool. Do I want to come? Um...no. Ok, so I agree to meet them (stupid girl).

I KID YOU NOT. 5 minutes later, "She changed her mind, we are going to hang out here. Wanna do something tomorrow?"

"I'm sort of busy."

"Maybe another day?"

I commit to nothing because I am bitter.

I retell the story to Bartender, and he asks what I was doing the next day that I couldn't hang out with him. I work at 5, so there was no reason I couldn't hang out during the day. I was just being pissy.

Well, fast forward to 10 am yesterday. I am laying on the floor in my living room in front of a box fan wearing the least amount of clothing possible and just trying not to melt and he texts to ask how my day is. I describe the situation and his reply is...

"I have air... wanna come over?"

I don't reply for several minutes.

"I'm getting in the shower. Be ready in 30 minutes."

We watch Donnie Darko (first time for me, what a mind fuck), and we have lots of little 3rd grade flirty moments. Accidental hand brushings, sliding closer on the couch....JUST PULL THE TRIGGER DUDE. You got me here....obviously, you've been green lighted.

Well, we took a break from movies to hang a curtain. So here we are...standing on his bed. I go to get off and lose my footing and fall over. Ok. So dude, I'm laying on your bed... this seems like the perfect time to mention your girlfriend (she's not a girlfriend!). Frustrated I roll off the bed and shuffle to the couch. We are sitting there talking and he asks if he can put Star Wars on in the back ground. Now, you might be thinking...what a geek. What you don't know is, I have ever seen Star Wars. Not a single solitary minute of any of them. The more people freak out about me not seeing it...the funnier it is for me to not see it.

I caved. I sat and watched one hour of New Hope. I'm not impressed. But ok. I will end up seeing all of them, so I can say I have finally.

Ok whatever, he drives me home, says he'll call me later.

OH WHAT THE HELL! Dude, I keep coming over....clearly the girlfriend doesn't bother me. What is the hold up?!


He is sooo bad at this game!!

A Hypocrite, Maybe...

I hate winter with a passion. However, I could use a break from the daily 90 degree heat. My living over a bakery, not air conditioned existence could use a break.

I Wish It Would Break...

The little glass house that Princess Melly lives in, that it.

I get so frustrated at how the world revolves around her. People how are normally considerate and alot of fun to be around...just become drones in her presence and it's frustrating.

I'm sick of not existing in my own life. It's too a point that I now have to take someone who is immune to the gravitational pull of Melly when I go out or I end up sitting by myself with an opinion that doesn't matter. It sucks.

Serena Meowerson...

Also sometimes referred to as Svetlana or Snuggles.

And The Bitch Stole My Sunglasses...

I don't even know where to start. I am not having a good week.

Alright here goes, it's a long one. If you make it to the end, I give you a cookie.

So, Josh and I were to play some pool Monday night. I found it odd that I never heard from him. He called hours later to say that he was at home sleeping because he had to drive Daisha to Minneaplois and back that night to drop her off at the airport and be back for work at ten Tuesday morning. Well, seeing as how he had to be at work at 10, I offered to ride along despite the fact that I work on Tuesday. I needed to be at work at 2, so I figured I was more then golden. We make plans to meet up.

So, I get there and we sit and wait an extra hour for Daisha. Josh told her we needed to leave by one to get him back in time, so...12:30 was the plan. She showed up at 1:30.

We get all loaded we get gas, and are on the way. Well, she misses the exit to 51 (who misses highway 51!?!), we end up taking 8. This owrks out well, because everytime I have gone to the cities, I have taken 8. I knew Highway 8 like tha back of my hand, so once she started complaining about not being able to keep her eyes open and began swerving I offered to drive. This also worked out for us, because she never went any faster then 55 once behind the wheel. So me driving was a chance to make up some time.

It's at this point I must mention that her brother...not smelling so fresh. 80% humidity was not helping.

So drivers are switched and she crawls into the backseat, for what is assumed to be a nap.

"Wanna watch Family Guy, Josh?"

And she proceeds to get out some rather large electric cords. She was attempting to set up a desktop computer in the backseat of this Jeep. OOOOH! OOOH! Ask me how she was attempting to power this up! A fucking cigarette light powered adapater. She sincerely thought that enough power would come from this to run an entire desktop computer.

Well, it quickly became obvious that it wasn't the Family Guy she was after. She had purchased herself a brand spanking new Zen that day. She also failed to load anything to it, so...She was planning on setting it up in the car!! Well, in her frustrations of the computer to working it dawned on her, that she had no idea where this MP3 layer actually was. Soooo....she began ripping apart all of the luggage that her and her brother had packed, while zipping down the highway at 85 mph at 4 in the morning. Somewhere in there, there was screeching phone calls to her mother, lots of angry rantings about not wanting to go anymore. Blah Blah Blah AHHHHH!!!!

Meanwhile, all this is going on and Josh is trying to get some sleep, he knows I am going to need help driving home, and he is tired. Well, you can't nap with an adult child throwing a temper tantrum in the seat next to you, nor is it possible to nap, while holding the processor of a desk top computer on your lap. I announce that we are pulling over for a strech break in the next town and Josh is to get in the front seat. All fine and good. Josh climbs up front...we are on the way.

More bitching takes place about this goddamn mp3 player and about how it's unknown where abouts are ruining her move to New Zeland. As we are getting close to the Minnesota border, I ask what freeway to take.

"I dunno. 94 something."

"Is it 94, 394, 494, or 694?"

"Don't they all intersect anyway, just take one."

I look at Josh and you can tell I am begining to wear down, we both are. Still we say nothing.

More bitching, continued fussing about not going, and such...angry outburst at her brother...it is esclating rapidly over something so stupid.

Potty stop. Josh and I go into the gas station and just vent. Out only expression, "She's getting on the fucking plane."

She comes in and announces she needs some alone time and has found the stupid mp3 player. Fine whatever, lets go.

"Well, if Josh is willing to spare some time we can stop and get some hot breakfast."

His only response, "He isn't. I have to work."

Once back at the car, she announces she is sitting in front to attempt to repack everything. Whatever. Stop talking. All of her stuff is in the back, so sitting in the front makes sense. Before the car even moves, guess what?! She lost the fucking player AGAIN! This time, we know it's in the car, so I make no attempt to slow down...

As me approach the cities and she continues bitching and crying and throwing an all out temper tantrum...I discover I have missed something along the way as we have driven past the Metrodome. She's next to me on the phone damn near screaming at her mother to change the flights, because she isn't going. She's going home.

Josh leans forward and announces he's about had it. Again, all I say is, "You are getting on the plane."

I call and wake up Melanie. I need directions it's 5:30 in the morning. She was not happy. Somewhere between Daisha screaming in the phone at her mother and Melanie just telling me to look for the mall, we again get turned around. For the record, the direction we came....No signs for fucking anything.

Stop at a gas station, get directions. Turns out bad directions. Continued yelling and bitching from the passeneger seat. I call the other Josh who knows the Cities like no one else, he's going to tell me directions, I am going to say them out loud and Josh is going to repeat them back. Daisha again gets on the phone to her mother and begins the screaming/crying cycle all over again. Josh was unable to hear any of the directions. At this time, I am so pissed, I don't even care what time it is. It's 6:30. I pull over and ask some dude for directions. I get told, "You are one angry white girl." No shit.

He's given me directions and I hear commotion behind me in the vehicle. I get the directions and turn to head back to the car to find Daisha in the driver's seat. I look at Josh who terrifyingly looks at me and shrugs. Ok. I climb in, no longer caring. Guy comes over give her directions. She makes no attempt to even listen. She's more concerned with her map. Well, she figures she got it all firgured out....tears out of the parking lot and cuts off some guy in a BMW. We are not in a good neighborhood to be doing this. I ask her to pay more attention, she gives me attitude. Well, the nice guy sensing there were problems, pulled ahead of us and had us follow him. He took us as far as he could and pointed us damn near to the exit. Which she missed. She drove around for at least another hour before pulling over to check her precious map. I jump out of the car and tell her brother to get in front. He stares at me blankly. At this point in time, Josh also hets out of the car to begin his angry pace walk. As he is walking away he hears me scream..."Get your fucking ass in the goddamn front seat of the car right fucking now." Finally he gets the message.

I call Neale and am bitching up a storm to him and he is trying to calm me down. Josh begins walking towards me still on the phone, just as Daisha gets out of the car and starts walking towards me.

I get asked, "What is your problem?" Oh no she did not! I begin screaming at this girl at the top of my lungs about how inconsiderate she is being and how fucking unorganized some moving to another country is. Josh promptly walks away to let us have it out.

Granted she doesn't have us in the best neighborhood for two white girls to be screaming at each other. I finally have to tell her several times that for her own safety, she has to go talk to Josh, because I am not afraid to punch her.

She goes over by Josh who blows her off, because he is on the phone. She gets back in the car. Josh will tell you that at this point in time, the gods sent us a gift. A taxi pulls into the parking lot and just sits there. No passengers, just sits there. Josh tries to explain to her that this is a good idea. The cab driver knows where he is going. We could get home from here...GOOD IDEA ALL AROUND.

No so, after swearing she knows where she is, Josh telling her she's full of shit and such, he tells me to get back in the car. She proceeds to instantly not know where she is going. At this point in time, I know I'm fucked. I call the store, explain my situation. They are ok with it.

Daisha begins mumbling shit about me in the front seat to which Josh and I both responded by putting on our headphones and fucking with our phones. I lean up against him and he make it very clear that since we are both fucked, we don't give a shit anymore. We are also no longer being nice, if we have something to say....we say it. Fuck it. She complains about the sun being in her eyes, I loan her my sunglasses. I ask her not to take them on the plane.

8 rolls around and Josh recomends the cab again. Her flight leaves at 9....they have already missed check in. Some how, by some retarded accicent she finds the right exit. We pull up to curb side drop off and basically push them out. She of course, though, still has to re pack every fucking thing.

At this point we also comment that she should probably give us gas money since we spent three hours burning gas driving around the city. Essentially, the gas to get home. She gives us $20. WHAT THE FUCK!

Driving away from the airport, "Fuck Josh. She has my sunglasses."
Since the mall is basically across the street, we go there. A milion food choices. NOTHING IS FUCKING OPEN. We walk around a little bit, snap a few dumb pictures and are on our way.

The rest of the trip is really quite uneventful, it's spent mostly bitching about how retarded she was. Josh and I had a nice drive home. I wish I could make you understand how horrible this trip that should have only taken 8 hours, that turned into 13 was. I don't think you can really graps the words on the page.

Well, the drama continued this morning as my mother called ranting on my voicemail to me about how irresponsible I am being because I am more concerned about running around with my little friends then working and taking care of myself. FUCK! How is this any of her business?! Second of all, there should have been no reason that I had to miss work at all....And lastly, stay the fuck out of my business, it's not her life....it's mine.

I am a peace loving person and rarely speak out when I am frustrated, but I can honestly say, I never want to see this girl again. What a rotten individual. I don't care if she reads all of this or not, but she deserves to know how horrid she made people.

And with that, I am off to the shower.

**I simply don't feel like changing any names....so there***

A Break In The Clouds...

I'm not really going to go into details, because some of you simply don't care. But, it's get out of debt day for June. I feel better then I have since in ages. I have my closure with the bank.

Are times and money going to be tight still sometimes? Yes.

Am I still going to think back and wish I had done a few things differently? Oh yes.

Are there going to be times I wish I still had my cushy job? No doubt.

Would I take back my same job with a pay raise? Under no circumstances.

Dave said to me Saturday night, "I can't remember the last time I have seen you honestly smile. I forget how beautiful it is."

I'm smiling today. I'm paying bills. It shouldn't be a happy time, but oh my...I'm just alive with glee. I'm taking my life back. It's a great feeling.

OH, and I saw a box of free kittens today....I may go back. But Katie will try to steal Sandy Meowfax thou...

The Plot...Thickens,,,,

Well, I went yesterday. I had a really nice time yesterday. We went to see Harry Potter, we sat and talked, it was nice. Afterward, I had to leave because I had dinner plans with a friend, but as soon as I left he invited me for more even activites with his friends. I was unable to meet up for that but he did meet me at the bar after softball to shoot a couple games of pool.

I will explain it later, but I consider his relationship status to be one one that is a weak story. He met her on-line and she lives in Central IL. I don't consider someone he doesn't even see on a casual basis to be something of a situation for me to deal with.

So, I don't think I am going to change my course of actions.

Just When You Thought I Couldn't Get Any Dumber...

I am going over to his house today.

Yup, That's About Right...

Right after, he asked me to a movie, I get this.

"I have an interesting relationship story. But the bulk of it is, I am not single."

Excuse me while I play in traffic.

How Does That Work...

There's more food in my cupboard for the cats then me. There's less then a quarter tank of gas in my car. There's a stack of bills I can't pay. I think I need to look for moving boxes. My checking account balance is single digits.

But one text message from him, and I am grinning like a school girl. I think I have a crush.

Oh, He Is Good...

A quote from the new boy...

"You have a charisma about you that demands attention."

It's been awhile since I have been complimented by the opposite sex in such a way I had no reply. He said some other things that were also really nice....but this one stands out to me tonight.

A Flashback...

Why does today's Japanese earthquake that is causing problems at a nuclear plant, remind me of this 1986 nuclear disaster?

It makes me heart sad to think of the possible disaster for years to come from even such a small breach. Did you not see Erin Brochovich?

A Bummer Still...

Despite the fact that I knew it probably wasn't happening, I was still very bummed when I got the letter denying my claim for unemployment.

I really could use that money right now. I'm in a bit of a pinch and money is tight. I could have used a check today to play the bills that I haven't really been paying in the last month.

I'm going to have to get used to a whole other way of life right now with cash being what it is. I haven't had this little of income since years before I moved out of my mother's house.

*sigh* I am not exactly sure what I am going to do right now.

Like All Great Stories...

This one's about a boy.

So there's this boy. He used to date the sister of a friend I am very close with. He also happens to be the friend of someone I dated a few times off and on for the last year or so. Someone I know socially at least. Well, he sought me out the other day. There's been some mild flirting...just some fun. Nothing worth mentioning yet really, but worth mentioning if that makes sense.

Anyway, I was talking to Bartender about this boy and it occurred to me that I have actually put road blocks up to avoid being in relationships. I hate not being in control. And sometimes, you can't control everything in a relationship.

Well, with as depressed as I have been lately, I am thinking that maybe giving up a little control and letting myself be open to the little "pick me up" situation, might not be such a bad thing.

Oh My...

Who gave Bret Michaels his own reality show?!

Are There Rules For This Sort Of Thing...

Can you date the ex of a friend's sister if you were never close with the sister, in the first place? And the sister has clearly moved on?

Is that ok? Am I allowed to do that?

And Then It Hit Me...

One time, not so long ago...I had a dinner party and it was fun.

One day last week, I had talks of hosting Thanksgiving dinner for my friends. One holiday, no families...just friends. I wonder if that would work.

So what do you all say?

Thanksgiving dinner at my house or dinner/wine party like last time?

Happy Happy...

I hope you have a great holiday!!

Why Haven't You Gone Yet...

If you haven't seen Transformers yet, stop everything. Stop reading this. Go see it now.

Why are you still reading this?

Gimme A Fucking Break...

I just balanced my checkbook. Just paying Rent and WPS....I have nothing left for the next two weeks.

Nothing. I don't have a single cent to my name.

Despite the fact that it was free, I should be glad my friends all bailed on Sister Hazel.

Hard To Say What It Is I See In You...

I'm going to see Sister Hazel tonight!

Ponderingment...

Yes. It's a word.

Should I start blogging about my adventures as a hotel "Clubhouse" hostess?

Am I A Gay Man Trapped In A Woman's Body...

I so want to go see them.

Bitch, Please...

Avril, You go and release a completely girl fun song like "Girlfriend", and you have to follow it up with some sappy ballad to prove you are a serious artist.

What a buzzkill in the morning.

Because I Thought You'd Like To Know...

I love my kitties, Sandy Meowfax and Svetlana Meowerson.

I do love them.

Finally...

I needed some good news today. I got a letter from school this morning, so instantly this feeling of dread sets in. I had such an ordeal last summer just getting registered that I couldn't imagine this to be good news.

It was my student lon letter. I was awarded enough in subsidized loans to cover the Fall semster completely including books. If I watch it pretty closely, I can probably get a little to spill over into the spring semester. Which is going to be expensive.

I logged in to check my GPA at the same time to find that my Ethics teacher bumped my grade up to an A.

All of that has almost made me completely forget about the horrible experience that was my first post employment bank experience.

Poopyity poop. I am hungry as hell and didn't really plan on that happening today. LOL. It's too warm in my house to want to eat. But sitting here in the air conditioned laundromat, hungry has certainly hit me.

Seriously...

I was hoping someone would have "offed" Miss Hilton whilest in jail.

Fan-Fucking-Tastic...

It appears I failed to pay my one credit card bill last month in the whole lost card commotion.

End result: $60 in fees.

My Life Comes Crashing Down...

I went on my annual camping trip this weekend. I really couldn't afford to go but such is life I guess.

I had a nice time with my friends. It was funny to see how we have all changed and are in very different spots in our life right now. It's strange.

I left feeling very relaxed with the exception of my allergies trying to end my life this weekend...but you know, that's my own fault.

My life was waiting for me today when I got home. There are dishes to do. Liter boxes to clean. Such and such. My termination packet was still on the table where it's been sitting since I got it. I paid the bills I was putting off to feel like I had money. I filed for the unemployment I know I am going to get denied for. The bank called again today. Seems Karen (the branch manager) wanted to take me to lunch this week. Get this..."Because she is worried about me." Fuck that. She wants to clear her guilt. That's all she wants. In the end, she made the call to fire me, she knows I can't afford to be without that extra income. It all makes me wish this wasn't my life sometimes.

I hate this all right now. So if I seem busy, it's because I am trying not to remember how much I hurt right now.

She's Pumping Up The Party...

Joe bought the Hannah Montana for himself tonight. LOL

Taking The Long Way...

I got my termination packet from the bank today. They are docking my paycheck 10 hours. Apparently, I took more vacation time then I was entitled to. I am sorry...but that's bullshit. I just feel like I have been punched in the stomache.

Fuck them.

Wal-mart has been pretty cool right now. I am working full-time hours 4 days this week. That'll really help with money. I start my new second job next week. I will be hostessing at the restaurant that Melly works at. It's just two days a week and money isn't great...but *shrugs*. I need all the money I can gets. Ya know. I am also needing more Wal-mart apparel since all my clothes are too nice to wear there...so I need to shop.

I am having a hard time shopping right now, because I know money is going to be tight.

Ug. Well, I watched Shut Up and Sing today. It was really enjoyable. It was about the fall out that the Dixie Chicks experienced after their freedom of speech issues.

Major Bummer...

"Hi, it's me. I just woke up."

"Well, um."

"I am aware of what this means. I haven't even had time to get in the shower yet, so since you are firing me, or suspending me I have no urge to get on work clothes and be sent home."

"I have to talk it over with Karen."

"Well, I am going to get in the shower and call you back."

Post shower...

"This is out of my control"

"I'm aware."

"We need you to bring in your keys and any bank materials you may have at home."

I was fired this morning. I overslept. Being fired didn't shock me. I knew it was going to happen. Cleaning out my work station was really depressing though. That's too bad. I haven't cried yet. I should. I am upset, but I don't know if I am going to cry about it. I was 3 weeks away from being fully vested in my 401k. The extra sleep wasn't worth the 6 grand I lost this morning.

I just lost 6 years of my life today, for nothing.

I have already been to the store to see about picking up some more hours...I could work at the Claridge, if I wanted to and Katie can probably give me some hours at Pat's so you know...I'm sure it'll all work out.

It's making it really hard to get excited about going out of town this weekend.

Movie Mumblings...

Hostel 2 = big bag of suck.

Oh. My. God. ...

The Gin Blossoms are going to be in the next city over. I am so excited, I might actually pee.

In addition to them, I am probably going to see The Wreckers and Maroon 5 (if they ever annouce tour dates) in my near future.

I am pumped.

Brace Yourself...

Trishy trish wants to go to the KG. The most tragically fantastic nightmare of a bar ever. OHMY! I hope I have shenanigans to post in the morning.

Oh, She Is Going To Lose That Baby...

As in, actually misplace the child.

Kiki came to find me last night. She dropped the bomb on me. She's going to be a Mommy!

I just kind of sat there for a minute. Once I saw how happy she was, I couldn't help but smile for her.

I couldn't keep my eyes from scanning the newer, softer curves my dear friend is sporting. Code: HER BOOBIES ARE HUGE!

I am not going to lie. She's the last person that anyway expected would be having a child anytime soon. All I could think laying in bed was, well, I guess it's a good thing her life plan changed.

Remind me to tell you about Chad law later today. It's totally in play here.

They Aren't Your Friends, They Are Zombies. They Just Want To Eat You...

So...It has been pointed out to me that there is a T Virus outbreak.

A large portion of my friends are suddenly ill, some worse then others. Some in the hospital. I hope the Bartender is ok. But I imagine he is seeing as how I just got a text that read...

"Room 2236 bring tacos"

Zombies. Sweet. I am finally going to be in a movie!

Movie Mumblings...

So yesterday I pulled a double feature movie day.

Ocean's 13 - Not exactly a movie you go see because it's going to win an Oscar anytime soon. You go simply to be entertained. That I was. I do love the movie sin this series and it always helps when you are insanely attracted to most of the cast.

Knocked Up - Easily the most entertaining chick flick I have seen in some time. I loved this. This is the first movie that I have sat in the dark and thought to myself, "I must own this movie". It was fantastic. I laughed my ass off.

The Best Way To Start A Sentence...

So, I was surfing Barry Manilow's Myspace page, and OMG! Lots of freakshow to be found on there.

It Happens Just Like That...

Today I received the greatest news. I stopped home from on lunch today after dining on some delish tacos from my favorite tavern and had a giant envelope from UW-Madison.

Today I got my acceptance letter.

I cried. I don't have time to explain the details of the program right now, but life is good.

A Wedding Photo...

Are You Ready To Jump...

There are big changes on the way for me. Scary changes

What A Day...

I'm only operating at about 87% today. I stopped at the Winchester last night to talk to Bartender, only to find him sitting at the bar. Well, one thing led to another and in a short amount of time, Davey had me drunk. And you know, that was fine. I don't work for a little bit yet, so who cares.


Well, Bartender's girlfriend yesterday accused me of being an alcoholic. Not just me, but Bartender too. I went into a blind rage. How dare she! This girl doesn't even know me really.

So, in true alcoholic fashion, I went to the bar. Bartender knew what she said, so I am assuming she attempted some damage control and pleaded her case to him. He said, that while she didn't mean to imply that, he understands where I am coming from. Also admitted she had no right to judge either one of us. She doesn't know how often I sit there talking to him drinking Diet Coke.

Well, I am sure I'll get over it...but for now it's off to work.

But Hey...

At least the cats can be in the same room together now.

Oh...Casey Meowerson is the new cat's name.

And I Thought I Was Making Progress...

I got completely blindsided this morning. I was hauled into the office yet again today.

I didn't see this one coming. They have never caught me off guard before. In the whole "sometimes you are the windshield, sometimes you are the bug" analogy...I am the dead bug.

I thought I was making improvements at work. I thought I was really trying. Apparently, some improvements aren't enough. It was to be a complete over night change.

I started crying. Which I hate, I do not believe in weakness. It leaves you open for attack. I asked to go home at that point and take a vacation day. I was denied.

I was sat down and told that my efforts are simply not enough, my attitude has to change and that I am simply not pulling my fair share of work. Then they send me crying back to the teller line. But...I have attitude issues, so I am not allowed to be down at all because "We employ happy people."

Really, since when?

I don't know what else to do. My ass is too fat to flip the cartwheels they clearly are looking for. "I have a good job with good hours, so I should relish in that fact".

I don't know what to do. I can't really take a pay cut, I am already living by the skin of my teeth. I really have an insane amount of vacation time for being employed only 6 years there.

I just don't fucking know what to do anymore.

Bartender moved out of the building this week, I'm bummed about that. But he's coming over for our taco/movie date tonight. He grabs Taco Bell after he closes the bar and heads on over here to watch a movie.

A friend's mom passed away Wednesday. That sucks. I hate funerals.

An Actual Cat Fight...

So the roommate and I took on a second kitty to help out a friends.

New, yet unnamed kitty, is not getting along with Sandy Meowfax well at all.

Currently, No Name is kind of claiming the living room as his territory and Meowfax is sticking to my room.

Funny, thou...after 24 hour...I still have a clean liter box...

What Took Me So Long...

I have had The Departed since February from Netflix.

What a good movie.

Grades were posted Friday. I got a B in Psychology and a B+ in Ethics. It was good enough to pull my grade point above 2.0 finally!!! Yea me.

With This Ring...

That's Amore...

So here it is. The day my oldest brother marries his best friend. Today doesn't really change anything. They have been together so long, that life goes on as normal tomorrow.

The weather appears to be holding out right now. I wish I felt better about the dress I was wearing today. However, I feel pretty right now sitting here on my bed.

So for the happy couple on this happy day. I give you the lyrics to "Everything" by Michael Buble.

Joe and Barb - I love you both muchly!

You're a falling star
You're the getaway car
You're the line in the sand
When I go to far
You're the swimming pool
On an august day
And you're the perfect thing to see

And you play it coy but it's kinda cute
Oh when you smile at me you know exactly what you do
Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true
Cause you can see it when I look at you

And in this crazy life
And through these crazy times
It's you
It's you
You make me sing
You're every line
You're every word
You're everything

You're a carousel
You're a wishing well
And you light me up
When you ring my bell
You're a mystery
You're from outer space
You're every minute of my every day

And I can't believe that I'm your man
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can
Whatever comes our way

We'll see it through
And you know that's what our love can do

And in this crazy life
And through these crazy times
It's you
It's you
You make me sing
You're every line
You're every word
You're everything

And so la la la la
So la la la la

And in this crazy life
And through these crazy times
It's you
It's you
You make me sing
You're every line
You're every word
You're everything

You're every song
And I sing along
Cause you're my everything

Yeah, yeah

So la la la la
So la la la la

I Should Be Flattered...

That I am the one that Wal-mart chooses to call in early every single night.

I'm really not entertained.

Boogie Down, My Friends...

As of 2 minutes ago, I am done with my first semester back at school.

Yay me.

Bend Over...

Can I be dramatic for a moment?

I would like to know why it is that the people who want things the most have the hardest time getting there? Hmm? Why the fuck is that?!

Needless to say, I got my letter from financial aid, telling me to fuck off.

I hate that I am getting punished for wanting to go back to school, having good paying jobs and being a responsible adult.

Maybe I will punch out a couple kids for next year, help this whole aid process along.

Fuck our system! It's seriously flawed.

If I Stay It Will Be Trouble...

I sat in my car outside the bank today staring at it until my shift began. It's almost as if I thought the answer to all my problems would come to me, if I just looked hard enough.

I feel as if the time has come to move on. But I don't know if I can afford it. I would have to take a substantial pay cut working almost anywhere and I would be walking away from an insane amount of vacation days.

I think about it this way. I have 21 paid vacation days. What about the other 344 days of the year? Just be miserable?

Am I brave enough to take the leap of faith that I would need to, and just walk away and risk everything? Or do I stay and try and make it work?

I Called This Months Ago...

We were told approx. 8 weeks ago, that there was a major research project due in Psychology this week. We were also presented the option of working with a partner. The problem with partner work, is one grade is shared no matter how the work is done. Binkers, the girl who is my study partner for this class happened to show up drunk on the day this was disclosed. I choose to ignore that we could work in groups, full well knowing that she would not remember this. I was not willing to allow this girl to ride on my grade. I intended to put some work into this project.

It is due today. I submitted my findings over the weekend. Her and I were scheduled to present to the instructor today. I left her ass passed out drunk on my couch this morning. I got a perfect score in this project with is 1/4 of our grade.

As of now, she has a zero.

I am not at all sad that I made the choice to do this solo.

99 Problems But A Bitch Ain't One...

Why don't I have that song downloaded?

Anyway, I had a bad day. Boohoo. Pick yourself up and start over right?

Right!

Continued Fuckage...

My car is done and costing $200 for the teeniest part ever.

The Hits Keep Coming...

I was suspended from the bank today for 3 days. I overslept.

Sweet.

And as if I needed something else...I just dropped my car off at the shop. The motor for the wipers decided to fuck off today.

Too Cool For School...

It's the semester end crunch. I took the week off from the store to attempt to get caught up with things. Here it goes, you know.

Oh yea. And I signed a transfer contract to UW-Madison this week. That's a Big 10 school baby!

Go me!

Now That's Cool...

I picked up my dress for the wedding and it's too big. I have never had that happen before.

An amazing feeling.

Now Accepting Applications...

For poor saps willing to proof read the very dry material that is my research paper on the topic of Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Any takers?

You Can Get Anything At Wal-Mart...

Geology Rocks

I'm A Bad Person...

I called into Wal-Mart today. I'm not sick.

Last night, I began to ponder all of the end of the semester stuff I had to complete and looked at the amount of time I didn't have to do it in. As much as it sucks for the front end supervisors, I made the call to stay home today. This is more important to me.

I'm going to hell. I don't think I feel bad about skipping out on them. Would you? What would you do in this situation?

**Obviously, I do feel a little bad about this...or I wouldn't have posed the question to you**

A Big Star...

LOL, right.

I won second place in the bowling alley karaoke contest last night. I am just a few weeks away from being...oh wait. Still no one. LOL, it was fun. I had no idea I had to do it again though. But apparently I have to sing in the finals.

Strange Happenings...

A city alderman is drunk on my couch.

No Longer A Zombie Girl...

I am alive and well after the bird flu completely beat my face in yesterday.

17 hours of sleep later, I feel....ok!

Ugh...

I do not feel good.

Stand Still, Look Pretty...

Bought The Wreckers, "Stand Still, Look Pretty". I relate to the title track so I thought I'd post it for you. Overall, good album Can't wait to see them live this summer.

I wanna paint my face
and pretend that I am someone else 
Sometimes I get so fed up,
I don't even wanna look at myself 
But people have problems that are worse than mine 
I don't want you to think
I'm complaining all the time 
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say 
I wish I could start over 

I am slowly falling apart 
I wish you'd take a walk
in my shoes for a start 
And you might think it's easy being me 
You just stand still look pretty
 
Sometimes I find myself shaking
in the middle of the night 
And then it hits me and
I can't even believe this is my life 
But people have problems that are worse than mine 
I don't want you to think
I'm complaining all the time 
And I wish that everyone
would go and shut their mouth 
I'm not strong enough to deal with it.

Adventures In Bartending...

So last night was my first real night behind the bar. I am not going to lie to you. I was terrified. This bar has live music on the weekends and is a very busy bar on a band night. Who starts on the busiest night of the week?!

It turned out to be really dead, which was a blessing in disguise. I had a chance to get a feel for things before it got assloads busy. I ended up being done by 11.30 under the understanding that I would come help Leno close. Leno is the only other bartender, outside the owner.

The owner, Johnny, kind of anal about his bar. He was the reason I was so concerned about working. Well, I had nothing to worry about. I jumped back behind the bar again at bar close. Johnny had been there all night and was watching me pretty close. As the night went on, he started to get a little drunk. Meaning, alot drunk. Well, Leno and I started dancing around and making asses of ourselves behind the bar, assing around to the jukebox, dancing and just being silly.

Turns out, Johnny loved it. I heard him talking to these women about how he loved how I got Leno to open up a little bit.

End result, I worked about 4 hours and made about $20 in tips. That part sucked. However, the time behind the bar and the fun I had, was so worth it. I had a lot of fun.

Bu I am exhausted today.

**I promised someone that I met at the bar that I would title this post "I Met A Man With Four Nipples Last Night", but I really want to keep my Adventures as a running post title.**

Out You Demons Of Insanity...

I was thinking about stuff today when I should have been working.

I think the reason I have taken this 3rd job is that I will be so busy this summer, I simply will not have time for the drama the seemed to be the dark cloud hanging over me last summer. I will in fact, not even know it's summertime.

A started the 3rd job last night. I am feeling a little nervous about it. But, I figure if I am in the bar, I might as well be making money instead of spending it.

And I'll figure out how to get good at pour a tapper in time.

Silly Little Princess...

Yes, that's right. I'm a princess. And a silly one at that.

I start my 3rd job tonight. Despite the fact that my mother doesn't think I can tend bar, I am going to try it anyway.

Musical Marriage...

Has anyone else noticed that Timbaland, Nelly Furtado, and Justin Timberlake are in the oddest marriage ever?! The three of them are like standards on each others track right now.

I just find it odd. Wise. But odd nonetheless.

Now, If Those 44,000 People Would Just Bugger Off...

My love for the Cubs has been brought back to life since I started hanging out with Melly and Bartender. This year I ever get to join them on their annual trip to Wriggley. I am pumped as hell.

Well, this has prompted us to get on the waiting list for season tickets. I am number 44,275. I cannot describe the awesomeness that moment was.

Pondering...

I am debating factoring in the cost of the London trip my school sponsors every year into my student loan for next year. I sort of want to go. That whole once in a lifetime thing.

Whatcha think?

My Kind Of Holiday...

Happy undead deity day.

She May Have Been On To Something...

My mom always said that the worst kind of deviant was a liar.

"You can protect yourself from a thief but you are defenseless against a liar."

I caught Bartender in a lie last night. It hurt pretty bad. He stepped up to the plate instantly and came over and explained himself. I do understand, but it is what it is. He lied to me. I don't love him any less, but trust is a funny thing. Once you break it...well you know.

...

I had a really nice time with my company this week. I can't believe the week went by so fast.

"I Still Don't HAve A Reason"...

My life has meaning again.

There is a new Maroon 5 single.