Everyone I Know, Goes Away In The End...

I had a bad day. Kinda. At any rate, I am in a mood right now.

I cried alot tonight. I am such a puss. My head has been going into overdrive and I can't seem to slow it down.

Well, tonight we started to pack Xan's things up. It was alot to take for me, and it's not even happening to me. I went for boxes and by the time I hit the car, I was crying my eyes out. I tried to compose myself by the time I reached the top of the stairs with the boxes. It didn't really work. And when I walked in the door, I was handed a cellphone. Xan's other half and I chit chatted a bit (he is soo sweet). I am not going to re-hash the conversation, but I again cried. I called Ray-ray to ask an Ebay related questions...and started talking about things going on...and guess what...I cried.

I have for weeks, avoided talking about the stuff that has been getting me down (and there's alot right now), and tonight I started to open up a little. Xan asked why I was crying tonight, and I told him that I just wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. I am not. The past month has gone by faster then I expected, and I knew it would go fast. Before you know it, I will be sending him off to fulfill his dreams.

I feel so selfish. I feel bad for me not being ready for him to live his life. What is that about? Do I honestly think the world should revolve around me? I am not upset (lol, I mean I obviously am) that he is leaving. People leave all the time. It's a part of life. I am just going to miss him. It was really hard for me when MrsGiggles left too. I cried all the time. I would call crying on my lunch hour and all this stuff. It was hard. But I made it through that. And I can honestly say, I am glad she moved. I still miss her like crazy, but I have gotten to see and experience things that I know I would not have if she had stayed in Wisconsin. Her and I are stronger friends today then the day she left. She is one of the people I hold dearest in this world. I am so happy that is moving closer. I need her now more then ever. And I don't tell her enough just how much she means to me. I love her.

I am hoping this whole thing with Xan moving, works out much like the MrsGiggles story. I hope we can come through this better friends then we are today. I see only good things ahead for him, and I hope I can share that with him.

Can someone hand me a tissue, please?

*Thanks for the hugs, Kiki. I love you!*