It's An Empty Feeling...

Tonight, I am lonely and feeling a bit nostalgic. I miss my friends that I haven't seen in ages, I miss the 'old days'. I am getting ready to leave my childhood home. Lots I am going to miss. Lots to look forward to. But as I am packing up all my memories, you don't think about the road ahead, you think about the path you left behind. It's hard to think about which memories are important enough to take with you, and which can be left behind. If I leave it behind, will I forget the emotions that particular moment in time made me feel? How is one memory more important then the other?

As I was taking a picture of Annie and I out of a frame that had a little bitty rust spot on it, I found a picture I had forgotten I had even had. I stared at it and things just came back. I thought about high school friends I had. Some I wish were still around, others...well, not so much. Then I started thinking about the really great people I met tinkering in post-high school eduction. Some of them stayed around, others ... not so much. I would like to think the experiences I had after high school made me who I am today.

Then I think about that 1st job, and how much I didn't do. And then that next job, that I stuck with for longer then I expected. And their complete lack of concern of people, which led to my complete lack of caring for them. And then my current job. Led me to some really great people and memories. I used to love what I did, until I was downsized. The complete lack of concern for people, led to my complete lack of caring for them.

But looking back, I wouldn't change one thing. If I hadn't met the people I have met, or worked the places I have worked...I might have missed out on all the little things that have given me a thousand happy memories. I can see where if you take out or change one element of my life that I am unhappy with, I lose 100 tied to it that I just couldn't give up. Like if I had gone away to school, I might not have ever met Mr and Mrs Giggles. If I had never quit that second job, I wouldn't be going to visit twin babies, or mourning with friends over pets.

Most of my possessions are in boxes now. Neatly stacked, clearly labeled, and tightly sealed. Some boxes I might not open again, some boxes will be donated to become someone else's memories, and some will be opened time and time again. It's just hard to figure out which box goes in which stack.