Oh What The Hell...

So it's finals week. I have projects coming out of my ass. My house smells funky. I don't have time to figure out what stinks. It might be me for all I know. I am sort of flat broke. I have no time to wrap the gifts that are hidden all over my house. I haven't seen some of my friends in ages. I was in a car accident that, I might get sued over. And now... I find out in a text message that my little brother got engaged today and no one bothered to tell me.

This seems to be a recurring thing...not telling me about engagements.

This week is going to kill me.

All I Want For Christmas...

Is the time to be able to go to the gym and to do my dishes.

I feel frumpy and the dishes smell.

Turn To Page 127...

Ever think that life is like one of those fantasy "choose your own adventure" books, where you decided how the story ended? Well, it is, isn't it?

I have quietly decided to turn to page 127, to see what happens next. I have concretely decided that my major of choice is Marketing. But what to do with it has been the question all along.

Today, I have decided that I am minor-ing in Communication. I am going to attempt to enter the field of Public Relations. It's all about passion, the entire field. You have to sell the shit out of whatever is tossed at you. Whether it's an event, a press release, dealing with a management company, etc., it's all about portraying an image and backing it up.

Everything I have read simply comes down to this, you have to want it. Want someone to talk about your event, want someone to hire you, want to be the best. I think we can safely say that with all the obstacles that have been tossed at me in the last year, that I have a little bitty fire driving me and I really think this is something I would do well at.

So, I wonder what will happen next?

Something That Caught My Ear...

Sometimes, I get wrapped up in the things that we call "life", it's songs like this that catch my ear and make me think.

Carrie Underwood - So Small

What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

I Can't Even Will Myself Warm Right Now...

The thin blanket of snow that covered my almost picturesque small town was still here when I woke up this morning. It's thinning as the day progresses but it's a very clear sign of the season.

I have been chilled on campus all day staring out windows of class rooms and have caught myself thinking, "It even looks cold today", as I stare out across the lake that my beautiful campus sits on.

I am sitting here wearing a long sleeve t-shirt and can't ignore the slight prickle of goosebumps that has been pestering my skin all day. My iPod is blasting sounds that imply the warm of carefree summer days in my ears. Artists like Kenny Chesney, Long Beach Dub All Stars, Colbie Caillat, The Contagious Remedy (a friend's band), and others that simply beg me to drive with the windows down and feel the warmth of the sun on my face are simply not sufficient today. I feel I should replace them with the crisp, cool sounds of a modern jazz ballad, perhaps a little Chris Botti or Michael Buble.


I feel this day would be best spent in front of a fire place with warm cider or tea. Since I have neither, I guess I will destroy the attempted beauty of this post, and say this...

Fuck it dude, I'm going tanning.

What Did She Say...

I said...

I am going to do absolutely nothing tonight. Sit on my butt kind of nothing. I am not opening text book...washing a dish....nothing!

Oh, And That...

Bartender's bat shit crazy ex girlfriend asked me to be her maid of honor today. In a text message. The wedding is next weekend.

Is "Fuck no" appropriate?

My Wish...

I wish that no one ever had to feel the heart ache of losing someone close to them ever. Anners mother passed away about an hour ago. I am heart broken. I never knew her, but the loss my friend is currently dealing with is killing me. I am speechless. I am crying right now for her. Her mother was very sick, so it is probably a blessing. But seeing that blessing is often tough through the tears.

Bartender's mom is currently in labor. Has been all day.

What a strange day this is turning out to be. Lots more tears then I expected.

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone...

It occurred to me today, that all the joy is gone from my life. There is nothing that really excites me the way it used to. Things I used to love have lost all appeal. I have even said things like..."I have been tired since 2005." I can't remember the last time I got really excited about something and not felt some sort of feeling of dread along with it. Even dressing up and going out with my friends on halloween wasn't fun.

Where did the lights in my life go? When did I become a black hole of nothing? When did I start having depression issues? How long have I been like this? Can I take my life back?

I am going to the gym tonight. My clothes don't fit.